These Cars Deserve Better Names

I’m very serious when it comes to a car’s name. They’re like first impressions. After all, when a car company is unveiling a new car, the first thing we usually learn is its name. Choose the wrong name, and an otherwise good car could fall completely flat, go unnoticed and die on the vine. That idea is what led me to the question I asked you all last week. 

I wanted to know which car deserves a better name. What vehicle was saddled with the sort of name that is far more appropriate for some sort of graphic calculator or seems like it was pulled from a pile called “Dull First Drafts”? I let you goobers run wild with this one, allowing you to choose cars that were either still in production or ones that had long bitten the dust, and I’m glad I did. People like to complain about the current state of the automotive industry, but we had some true duds in the past.

Anyway, that’s enough out of me. How about you drop on down below and check out what cars your fellow Jalops think deserve better names. If your car is on the list, please consider either debadging it or getting a Sharpie and writing something new.

Pontiac G8. They should have given it a historic name. Maybe Bonneville. Even Tempest would have been better.

The whole G# nomenclature was bad, but especially that one.

Submitted by: Stillnotatony

The Toyota bZ4X. I already forgot this vehicle existed simply because of the hard to remember name. I wasn’t a fan of the Venza for another one of Toyota’s SUVs either but at least that name didn’t look like someone smashed their face on a keyboard.

Submitted by: Giantsgiants

Pretty much every McLaren made in the last 15 years.

Submitted by: Yebiesuki Nabosaka

Let’s look at Subaru’s line up

Impreza, Outback, Forester, Ascent, Uncharted, Solterra, Trailseeker, WRX, BRZ.

The BRZ stands out in not a good way. Specifically

The Only other 3 letter name in Subbie’s line up is the WRX which used to be a package for the Impreza and is well known.

It’s got a sibling in the Toyota lineup. And it’s not the similar sounding BZ.

The Toyota BZ fits Lexus naming conventions not Toyota by the way.

So the BRZ sounds like it could be related to a Lexus SUV which doesn’t scream Fun, Small Sports car.

It would do better with a Name. Maybe the Subaru Backroad. It fits into the way Subaru names vehicle better and does say something the car is good at.

Submitted by: hoser68

Honestly, just about everything that’s just a combination of letters and numbers. I’d rather have a Gremlin or a Panther or a Superbird than an ES491 LXi or a J40. When people ask me what motorcycle I ride, it’s frustrating to spell out ‘CBR 1000 RR’ when other markets get to answer ‘Fireblade’. Why have an MX-5 when you could have a Miata? I want a car, not a spelling bee.

Honorable mention, anything with VWs ridiculous ID naming convention. Gag me.

Submitted by: icrashbikes

Merkur XR4Ti was the first really dumb alphanumeric name I can remember. I still remember it to this day because it was so dumb. Better might be Merkur Pteron (greek for wing, for Mercury’s winged feet) or Merkur Volo (latin for speed).

Submitted by: Steve Latourette

Buick Envista, Envision, Enclave, Encore: I follow cars regularly and STILL get confused about which is which. I’d keep Enclave (since it’s been around the longest). Two suggestions:

Coyote

Overland (if available)

Submitted by: Leo Stone

The entire Cadillac CT + a number naming convention needed to be burned before it hit daylight. “Cee Tee six” just sounds thin and reedy. There’s no weight to it. “Cee Tee five” sounds whiny.

It’s better with the CTS. Without the number it feels better, more whole.

Submitted by: JohnnyWasASchoolBoy

How the Mustang Mach E wasn’t the Thunderbird is so beyond me…. How dense do you have to be to go from rightfully naming your electric pickup the Lightning to not going with the other ALREADY ESTABLISHED electricity themed name in your brand? Instead, let’s besmirch the cult following sports car? make it make sense.

Submitted by: WeirdlyBrownEgg

Yeah, I know I’m stemming down the minivan world but it checked all the boxes and I really wanted one, but the wife canx’d that cause she didn’t want to drive our circus around in something called that.

Submitted by: Yatesab

‘Skyline’ is such an evocative name, call it the Skyline GT-R once more!

Submitted by: carreycrytharis