Hey. You. Listen: I know I talk a lot about things you need here. I tell you that you need lifted Plymouth Volares, or little red pickups, or prerunner shopping carts. But if I’m being really, truly honest, those are wants. You want those, I want you to have those, but they’re not situated at the base of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs — they aren’t base necessities. Today, though, I bring you something that you genuinely, desperately need: About eight gallons of old gas.
Now I know what you’re thinking: Yes, this is approximately eight full gallons of old gasoline. It’s a little unclear exactly how much gasoline is in there, given that the measurement unit is “two mostly filled five-gallon buckets is full of old gas,” but it looks close enough to the amount that I’m willing to believe it. All that old gasoline for absolutely free! How can you turn down that kind of deal?
Like this but old
The gas itself is apparently out of a jet ski, and the seller — provider, really, since it’s free — has no earthly idea how old it is. Can you imagine? It could be years old! The seller only says they’re “fairly sure” it’s bad, but fuel doesn’t last incredibly long. This stuff is almost certainly bad, or at least certain enough for you to go check it out in person. Really look for that old gas smell. What would you do with about 8 gallons of old gas? It’s really up to you! The world is your smelly, oxidized, likely watered-down oyster when you’re rolling with two open buckets of old gas!
Now if you’re thinking that eight gallons of gallons of old gasoline plus two Lowe’s buckets for free sounds too good to be true, you’d be right. The buckets are not included. You’ll have to bring your own five-gallon Lowes buckets to carry the old gas home, which are somehow actually made of the proper plastic for transporting gasoline. Plus, your freeing the current Lowes buckets from their duty of carrying old gas will mean they’ll be available to fill with the next best thing: Old two-stroke oil.
