Another year, another Super Bowl where we have to watch the Kansas City Chiefs. Yay. The NFL is once again ending the season not with a bang, but a boring-ass whimper. The Chiefs have taken over as the league’s most-hated team, and now they’re a sadder iteration of the Patriots. At least it was fun to hate Tom Brady and Bill Belichick in New England, the Star Wars memes, Evil Empire references, fleeting opportunities to watch Brady get some comeuppance, only to see him just keep winning.
Kansas City is different. The Chiefs aren’t even compelling enough to hate in a fun way.
In a league of sports cars and monster trucks, the Chiefs meander along at cruise control locked at 45 miles per hour. They are permanently in the slow lane, the Volvo of the NFL. Nobody hates the Volvo, but nobody likes it.
There’s a natural tendency to simply hate dominant teams in sports, but there are a lot of self-inflicted wounds that makes this team so naturally loathsome.
No. 1: The Chiefs are boring as hell
Tom Brady was boring, but he led with the expectation of being boring. Everyone knew Brady’s best attribute was his mind, which allowed him to be an extension of the coaching staff on the field and always make the correct decision with the ball. This meant that we never expected the athletic moment, the ludicrous throw, the play that separates NFL athletes from mortals.
Meanwhile we know how fun Patrick Mahomes can be. His off-platform brilliance, the jump passes, rolling out and making a deep throw out of nothing. We saw it for years before the Chiefs moved into their “Ruthless Efficiency” era, and that’s what makes this team so damn tiresome.
There’s just nothing fun about watching an offensive that endlessly throws 7-to-9 yard digs to Travis Kelce. The bootleg roll out pass to a running back to gain five yards is yawn-worthy. The Chiefs have so perfectly broken down what it takes to win in the NFL that they’re satisfied with just coasting.
I miss the old Chiefs. The wild Chiefs. The first-year Super Bowl Chiefs when the team actually had to try. Now they just make the game look easy and take the most efficient path to victory. It’s possible to respect that but just not like it, and nobody likes it.
No. 2: How forced Travis and Taylor has become
You know as a kid when something was really fun until your parents started doing it? That’s what’s happened to Travis Kelce and Taylor Swift’s relationship. It started out being organic, and sweet — introducing a whole new audience to the world of football. It was fresh, and exciting — so much so that it was enough to distract from how boring the Chiefs were becoming.
The NFL, desperate to commodify everything in its orbit, are now fully on the “all Taylor everything” bandwagon, and it’s tiresome.
WHAT A MOMENT! DID YOU CATCH THE MOMENT?! IT’S TWO PEOPLE DATING, WALKING TOGETHER. AT ONE POINT TAYLOR WAVES. OH, WHAT A MOMENT IT IS. IT’S NOT LIKE, I DON’T KNOW, THEY GOT TO CELEBRATE A SUPER BOWL WIN LESS THAN A YEAR AGO.
Cutting to the box last year to show Tay Tay was totally understandable. It was the middle of the Eras Tour, it was all fresh. Now the NFL is going to keep beating this dead horse as much as possible, as often as possible. Just let them be two people dating instead of a damn sideshow that’s crammed down our throats at every turn.
No. 3: Harrison Butker
Harrison Butker sucks. He’s garbage. There isn’t a single kick he attempts that I don’t secretly hope his leg flies off and goes through the posts along with the ball like Anton Lubchenko in The Simpsons.
No. 4: Andy Reid rallying around Harrison Butker
Butker’s commencement speech at Benedictine College was gross. He slammed the LGBTQ+ community, called IVF a “degenerate cultural value,” and went on to have these choice words about women.
“I think it is you, the women, who have had the most diabolic lies told to you. Some of you may go on to lead successful careers in the world but I would venture to guess that the majority of you are most excited about your marriage and the children you will bring into this world.”
It was a chance for the Chiefs to stand up for something, anything. Instead the team insulated Butker from more criticism, and Andy Reid said “I don’t think he was speaking ill to women.”
The problem: Women said Butker was speaking ill to him. They’re the people who matter. We don’t need to re-litigate this, or give Butker more oxygen than any kicker deserves — but the way Reid handled it was gross. Coaches have been more angry about players celebrating than Reid was about insulting half of the fanbase.
No. 5: The tomahawk chop
While we’re at it: Stop cosplaying as native Americans in the stands. It’s 2025.
No. 6: The refs
I’m not one of these people who believes the NFL has been rigged for the Chiefs, but there’s no doubt they’re getting the same kind of superstar calls that Brady and the Patriots got when they were on top.
It’s one thing to be annoyed at referees for doing this, but Chiefs fans refuse to ackowledge ever that they’re getting these kind of soft calls. Y’all are, you know it — just own it. It’s one of the perks in this league when you’re on top.
No. 7: Clark Hunt
Chiefs owner Clark Hunt, or C. Hunt as he should be referred to, is a horse’s ass.
One of the NFL’s great nepo babies, Hunt loves to take credit for everything the Chiefs do on the field and put himself front and center when they win — as if he did anything outside of cutting checks. The only thing he could have a real impact with is the facilities and amenities for his players. The Chiefs were 2nd last in the NFL in the NFLPA Report Card survey, and despite achieving everything in football, Hunt continues to operate his business like a cheapskate.
The Temu Patriots are getting old
The Chiefs will probably win again. They’ll probably hoist the Lombardi once more and three-peat. We’re going to keep getting subjected to a team that isn’t fun enough to be excited for, nor have enough personality to actually hate.
They’ll just keep existing, bogging the league down until someone interesting stops them. Hopefully it’ll be sooner, rather than later.
