Who among us doesn’t like a sleeper — a car that hides its sporty pretensions under an unassuming body. There are few things better than catching someone off-guard in a hot wagon or some sort of anonymous electric vehicle with over 800 horsepower. What about the other end of the spectrum, though? What about the “anti-sleeper?” Well, that’s what leads me to today’s question.
I want to know what car best represents the idea of “all show and no go.” What car’s appearance is writing checks that its performance credentials could never cash? Basically, I’m looking for a vehicle that screams “I go fast” but in reality is desperately slow. That’s where you come in.
My pick
There are tons of cars through the annals of automotive history that have been far slower than their appearance would suggest. Stuff like a late-1970s Chevy Corvette springs to mind (don’t worry, you can make that suggestion, too. However, to me, the car that most exemplifies the anti-sleeper mantra is the Toyota GR86/Subaru BRZ twins.
Don’t get me wrong. These cars are incredibly fun to drive down a tight, twisty road, but God forbid you get into an impromptu stoplight drag race with a mom in her minivan who doesn’t even know she’s racing. You’re going to get smoked every single time as your rattly boxer engine tries not to throw a piston through your fender. I know this will upset some of you “slow car fast” people, but I don’t actually care about that. This is my safe space. Anyway, why don’t you drop down below and let your fellow Jalops know what your favorite “all show and no go” car is? Don’t be afraid to speak your mind, and — as always — if you explain your submissions I’ll give you 1 trillion bonus points and a kiss on the forehead.
