This Is What Our Readers Would Name Their Big Boats If They Could Afford One

Jalopnik may mainly be known as a car blog, but we love all sorts of other things that move, too. Much like the best cars, we also can’t afford many of those other forms of transportation, but that doesn’t mean we don’t dream. And, of course, if anyone here ever did get paid enough to afford something legitimately cool, we’d definitely make better choices than everyone else who can already afford the good stuff. At least theoretically.

Which is why, on Tuesday, we asked you what you would name your big boat if you could ever afford one. After all, you can’t just buy a boat. You have to name it, and some people out there pick some terrible names. We weren’t entirely sure which direction those answers would go when we asked, but turns out, y’all are pretty darn good at naming boats, too. Let’s take a look at some of the most popular answers.

Row vs. Wave

Suggested by: Darwin Brandis

We had a Sea Ray 430 that I bought and restored after an engine fire. The boat was named “Flirtin’ With Disaster” after the Molly Hatchet song of the same name. It was a great boat, but when friends showed up they had have Benjamins and not just beer. Twin V8’s are thirsty.

Suggested by: Eric Hicks

Prince Jefri of Brunei already got the greatest (and worst) name of all time for a yacht. Though, technically, it’s been sold and renamed, so I guess the name is once again available to whatever enterprising douchecannon would like to have it.

Our wonderful new CMS requires me to censor it, but the name of the yacht was “T-ts.”

Suggested by: Give Me Tacos or Give Me Death

The Implication

Suggested by: Bengal55

How about Big Deck Energy?

Suggested by: Stillnotatony

I’d want to follow in my late father’s footsteps when it comes to naming boats. He had a running tradition:

Paid For (a 1989 Four Winns with a cuddy cabin)

Paid For II (an aluminum fishing boat that couldn’t have cost more than $4K brand new)

Paid For III (a kayak)

He passed before he could land the best name in the series… so I’d be finishing the job for him.

My boat would be called: Paid FOUR

(This is the same man who was cremated in his first-ever brand-new ski suit, because he never got wear it on the slopes due to his diagnosis. This man got his money’s worth.)

Suggested by: Andrew Jimenez

Fah Q. If it ever gets sunk, stolen or repossessed – the next boat is Fah Q II

Suggested by: E Rizzo

I’d find out how many kids in an impoverished country could eat for a year for the same cost as the boat, then name it that number, just to really rub it in.

/s

Suggested by: Thomas Hajicek

“Das Boot.” Never gonna happen ‘cuz not into boating though have been known to accept invitations to go boating from friends and family members who are into it; happy to leave the hassles and maintenance to them.

Suggested by: Albert Q

Biggie Squalls

Suggested by: carsten