These Are The Funniest Ways You’ve Misused Cars

Last week we asked you to share your stories of the funniest ways you’ve misused cars, and I have to say, there were a lot more hilarious answers than I expected. I genuinely laughed out loud several times envisioning all the terrible things you people have put your cars through. Most of your tales sound like outrageous fun — for the humans at least, not the cars. If you’re looking for more of the wild stories from the Jalopnik audience, I implore you to read through the comments that I didn’t include here.

Cars are usually specialized in their intended use case, but sometimes you don’t have a choice other than to run what you brung. One of the best things about cars is their versatility; as it turns out, pickup trucks make good people haulers, convertibles make for virtually unlimited hauling room, and any car can be fun in the right setting. 

I said that taking my 2003 Honda CR-V mudding was the funniest way that I’ve misused a car, but I’m going to share another story, too.

The Land Rover Range Rover Evoque is technically off-road capable, but nowhere near as much as its bigger, proper Range Rover siblings. The Evoque is probably the least off-road-focused Land Rover product the British carmaker has ever produced, but one version of the Evoque stands above all others as the least off-roadable: the convertible. 

Though various means, two friends of mine ended up in possession of Land Rover Range Rover Evoque convertibles at the same time. Naturally, we had to capitalize on the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, so we hit the trails. Topless. 

I’m a total convertible fan and I actually fell in love with the idiotic Evoque convertible over the course of this adventure. Was it good off-road? Not particularly, and by the end of our trip one of the two convertibles incurred a nasty pinch flat, but despite all the turmoil both made it out mostly unscathed. Not a total misuse of a Range Rover, but definitely not the poor Evoque convertible’s primary use case. But that’s enough of my rambles, these are the funny ways that you all have misused cars. 

As a roadster recidivist, I had several experiences with putting the top down and transporting large items in the passenger seat. My most notable such journey was an exercise bicycle (new, in the box) in my RX7 convertible. The box was so big that a piece of interior trim had to come off for the box to fit in and I could not see anything to the right (the drive home was scary.) This was obviously a foolish thing to do and I blame it on my relative youth at the time, I was 56. Some of us take much longer to learn than others.

Submitted by: codfangler

I once moved my one bedroom apartment using my 914, with the targa roof off for most of the time.

A few years later, I also used my Citroën SM as a winter car. Living in a house in northern New England with a long, narrow driveway through the trees and a fair amount of snow meant no one would plow it. So I just raised the body up all the way and chugged right out. Hydropneumatics and FWD win again.

Submitted by: FormerlyHooperdink

I would have loved to witness such the glorious sight of a Citroen SM with its body hiked up mobbing through snow. 

The strangest thing I ever did with a car was back in the 90s. I had an 86 Cutlass with the slope nose. A I thought I would entertain my buddy by pulling into a farmer’s field and pushing his round bales around. I put about 6 of them into the middle before my car started smoking from all the hay that was building up on my rad and going into the engine bay. 30 minutes at the car wash eventually got most of it out. We still talk about this and laugh about it today. That farmer must have wondered how his bales got in the center of his field!

Submitted by: TruckinBob

Well Bob, I gotta say, this story aligns so well with your screen name. I feel like I know everything about you. 

I had a 1984 Chrysler LeBaron in HS that I basically used for sleigh riding in the winter.

Growing up on the east coast we had this publicly accessible nature reserve in our town and they plowed the roads that snaked through it after snow storms.

The front wheel drive LeBaron had really good traction, so we’d drive up to the top of the highest hill, put the top down, and fly down the roads as fast as possible – screaming and laughing the entire way.

Occasionally you’d bump a snow bank, but if you got there right after the storm they were still soft so they didn’t bang up the paint.

Submitted by: wanderingpoet

As someone who grew up in sunny Southern California, the only thing I envy about you snowy region folks is how much fun you have in cars in the snow.

I went from a Jeep Grand Cherokee with the HO V8 to a first gen Ford Escape, because the gas was killing me @ 13mpg. What I didn’t do was change my off-road 4X4 driving habits and pretty much expected that Escape to perform as well as my Jeep. What happened was for muddy trails, abandoned logging roads and sandy beach drives, that smaller, lighter Escape performed BETTER than that big, heavy Jeep. I’ve never gone back to Jeep

Submitted by: Jimboy Junio

Jimboy, I love hearing that your Escape was a win-win. I also, obviously, love hearing about people off-roading their crossovers. Keep up the good work.

When space shuttle STS-4 was going to launch, a few of us fraternity brothers and sisters decided to take advantage of an invite to watch the launch from Patrick AFB. We’d be as close as was safe and get a great vantage point. We trekked 16 of us in 4 cars, only to find that the gate guards at Patrick would only allow one car in.

Having the only convertible (1973 ragtop Mustang), We loaded all 16 of us, yes, all 16 persons into my car with the top down, the poor suspension was against the bump stops. But that car and its motley crew road in the about a mile to the parking area. Albeit slowly of course. We even got our pictures taken by some tourists and staff.

Submitted by: Tony Roy

I would have taken photos if I ever saw 17 people weighing down a ’73 Mustang convertible. Y’all stole the space shuttle’s spotlight!

For those of us who grew up in snow states, parking lots are huge and have no lights or barriers in them, or at least have minimal, so that plows can clear lots quickly.

My best friend’s dad ran a tire shop, so we had access to the shop truck, a Nissan Hardbody with insane miles and a severe case of Michigan cancer. It was a manual, with manual steering, and a sticker over the speedo that said “NO!” on everything over 55 MPH.

Nick also had access to rims and donuts and other worn out tires, so we would find a set of 2 or 4 that would fit the spindle and wait for snow. When it inevitably arrived, thanks Lake Michigan!, we would drive down a hill into our vast parking lot at the high school and rip shitties for as long as we could while sliding completely out of control.

I’m not sure if that’s the appropriate use of a truck and snow, but the police told us it was very inappropriate as someone could get hurt, at 3 AM, in an empty parking lot.

Submitted by: potbellyjoe

Again, the only thing I envy about people who grew up in snowy regions is the hilarious stuff you can get away with in a car in the snow. Sounds like a hoot and a half!

I frequently use my Fiat 500 Abarth as a pickup truck. It can hold 10 large bags of yard mulch, or a quarter of a cord of firewood for my fire pit. Last summer I had a major landscaping and fence project. I hauled dozens of lengths 8-ft and 10-ft 4×4 and 2×4 lumber sticking well out the back. One load I had 600 lb of Sakrete bags, which was my limit because I just couldn’t push the flat cart around with more than that. The car did fine.

Submitted by: Michael Rosenfeld

I salute you, Michael. 

Autocrossing a ’78 Lincoln Town Coupe. Pumped the front tires to 50 psi, the backs to 40 and filled it with 5 other folks crazy enough to hit the course with me.

It was a blast!

Submitted by: jrhmobile

I bet your arms were tired from shuffling the steering wheel of that behemoth through an autocross course! I cannot imagine a) how hilariously awful it must have performed, and b) how much maniacal laughter was going on inside that Town Coupe. 

Transporting 17 live people 25 miles in a 1948 Cadillac hearse.

Submitted by: Bob Justbob

I like it, Bob. No frills, just telling the story. I also love that you had to specify 17 live people; transporting 17 dead people in a hearse isn’t news. 

I had a 70’s Impala wagon with a single mattress in the back that served as a…well my fiance and I were both living at our parent’s houses. You do the math.

Submitted by: PostOMatic2000

I feel like that’s an implied use case for a ’70s Impala wagon.

In the early ’70’s I had a 1964 Bel Air that I used as hauler for 2 dirt bikes. One strapped to the deck lid and the other on a motorcycle bumper rack. What a stance!

Submitted by: koze

I’d love to see a ’64 Bel Air with two dirt bikes lashed onto wherever they would fit. That scene must have been epic.