These Are The Dumbest Winter Drivers You’ve Seen

January is upon us, which means snow, ice, and cold temperatures in the northern regions of the United States. Unfortunately, many of the people in those regions — even people who’ve lived there their whole lives — seem to have absolutely no idea how to drive through wintery conditions. It can make the winter commute a truly frustrating experience, but it can also give you some great tales to tell over the dinner table — or, over the Jalopnik comments. 

Earlier this week, I asked you for the stories of the worst winter drivers you’ve ever seen. You gave me the gamut: Drivers going too slow, too fast, and wrong in pretty much every other way imaginable. Let’s take a look at the top ten entries, and see what habits are shared by the worst winter drivers you’ve ever seen. I trust you to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth when describing the antics of your fellow drivers. 

Bad weather outside Portsmouth, Ohio, about 2002 or so. Wasn’t doing anything at the moment, but a rain storm over night put a nice layer of ice all over. Was doing all of 15-20 MPH on a curvy section when a guy in a big truck came flying around me as soon as the road straightened, middle finger and horn employed to their best ability. I watched him get a bit ahead, then, to no one’s great surprise, the back end kicked out and he wagged around before finding himself half in the ditch on the right side of the road.

He’s not done.

I slowed down even more to get around him, putting my wheels in the center two tracks that had formed on the road but still giving him plenty of room and, pettily, not intending to stop at all. Then, as I get about even with the back bumper he throws his door open in frustration right in front of me.

I swerved. I shouldn’t have. Ended up out of the ruts and up on the ice. My little Ranger decided to take one last look at that truck as I spun around backwards, then rotated back around forwards. When I stopped I was perfectly in my lane, still doing about 5 MPH and somehow no worse the wear.

Still don’t believe I’ve seen a better example of someone with their head up their own posterior in my life.

Submitted by: AdamBarts

Twice I have seen cars stranded in the tops of trees after going way too fast on icy roads. One was off I 95 in CT, the driver was 20 feet off the ground peering out the window. (The roadbed is about even with the treetops on that stretch)> The other was of an exit in Brooklyn, the car was perched in the top of a tree with hazards on and the door open.

Submitted by: 1KZTE-A

I see it almost every time I’m on the road, but for anecdotal sake, a couple months back during a decent snow squall I saw the ever present over confident full size SUV roaring up behind me. In this case it was a late model Yukon. I was doing maybe 10 under in a 50(kmph) because visibility was 50ish yards out in the left lane because it was the only one not snow covered.

The Yukon was easily going 20 over and decided that it needed to get around me right right right now, without thinking about the breaks they swing to the right, hit the slick compressed snow and then it was head lights spinning in circles until they pointed at the sky

Submitted by: JaredOfLondon

Upper midwest here. Saw a guy a couple of days ago after a 6-7 inch snowfall driving a car with every window completely snow covered save for about a six inch swath at eye level on his windshield. I see this on a regular basis. Apparently, ice scrappers are woke now too.

Submitted by: dinovelvet

When I first moved to Montana all I could afford was a rusted out 1970 Firebird, which has to be one of the worst snow cars you can imagine. Nevertheless, I slapped on some studded snow tires and put a couple hundred pounds of sandbags and junk in the trunk and hoped for the best.

So one 25-below night I’m crawling Uptown in Butte — which has a 1,000-foot elevation change in town — and the moderately steep Montana Street is enameled with packed snow and ice. I’m maintaining momentum and making slow progress when suddenly I’m passed by a K5 Blazer with all four wheels spinning, going backward downhill with about a half-mile to go before it flattens out. My rearviews were frosted over so I don’t know what happened to him.

Submitted by: JayByrdJr

I’m giving myself the award. Had a nearly-new VW Jetta and decided one day to take it out for a little fun and see how it would do in an inch or so of snow. Ended up getting rear-ended at a light by some lady who couldn’t stop her Galant in time. Moral of the story: if you don’t actually need to be out there on a snowy road, just stay home.

Submitted by: BuddyS

My favorite is watching all the brodozers struggle like crazy since super wide mud terrain tires are horrendous in the snow. Nothing more pathetic than watching the fragile egos struggle so much.

I love driving in the snow, it is a lot of fun. I hate that most other people don’t have any idea how to drive in the snow. Nowadays, my policy is mostly to avoid driving in the snow unless absolutely necessary, because the odds of someone hitting me are higher than I am willing to accept.

Submitted by: cintocrunch1

I live in VT and have been driving for 27 years so ive seen some doozies.

The one that sticks out to me the most was about 20 years ago I was traveling on the interstate in a pretty bad snow storm and visibilty was pretty limited. Everyone was going around 50 since the conditions were not great. Im coming up on some cars going really slow and as im getting ready to put my blinker on to change lanes I see this Teal blur coming up on me. Some guy in a Ford Escort comes flying up in the passing lane and as hes passing me, loses it. The car spins and winds up going backwards and now he and I are staring at each other going 50mph. Ill never forget the look on his face as he left the roadway and went into the woods backwards.

I even got to see the moment of impact when all of a sudden a bunch of trees in the middle of the woods shook and snow went flying off their branches. IT was wild.

Submitted by: Nick B

So many hilarious monents. Last winter, driving up backroads in southern VT. Typical ski traffic on a weekend morning. Thin layer of ice and snow on the road in shadows. Sunny spots are OK, if not perfect. Drivable with care.

I’m the passenger in a Tesla dual motor equipped with the all weather Michelin’s. Doing 35 or so-which was the right speed, limit was 45-50 depending on the area. Easing up on corners and in the shade to avoid, ya know, disaster. BMW X5 tailgating us for miles and miles. Finally get to a passing zone-and they pass us along with 2 or 3 other carts. IIRC, a Volvo and a Grand Cherokee. Not 2 miles later-all three of them in the ditch on the edge. No injuries, just bad days for the whole gang. We cruised by doing 35 or so, just like we had been.

Submitted by: Orion Henderson

Dallas Texas. Below freezing. Light dusting of snow and slick roads. I’m sitting at a stoplight when I see Billy Bob in his great big pickup driving up behind me like it’s a balmy spring day. I took the opportunity to move over a lane as he rolled on up, hit his brakes, locked up all four wheels, and slammed into the car that was in front of me.

That and San Antonio when they got enough snow for it to stick and immediately closed all the freeways.

Submitted by: LBJsPNS