These Are The Dumbest Cars On Sale Today

In the same way that there are lots of dumb people, there are lots of dumb cars. These are vehicles that exist in a world outside of common sense or reason — vehicles that should have never made it past the planning phase. Still, not all of those are created equally. Dumbness is a spectrum, after all, and that’s what led me to my question from last week.

I wanted to know what cars you all thought were the dumbest on sale. What car is so dumb that you see it on the road and ask yourself what the hell the driver was thinking? As always, you handsome devils delivered, and we got some truly interesting and creative choices. Of course, there’s also the usual smatterings of big trucks and SUVs, but that’s too be expected.

Anyway, that’s enough yapping out of me. How about you head on down below and check out what cars your fellow Jalops consider to be the dumbest on sale today? I apologize in advance if your car made the list. Don’t take it personally. It just means you’re a big ol’ dummy.

Any pickup with a bed so high off the ground that the owner cannot load the truck and therefore subsequently purchases a trailer to haul two bags of fertilizer; thus doubling the amount of space they take up on roads and in parking lots and creating a hazard at every intersection they traverse because they don’t know how to navigate a ninety-degree turn (Or any turn, actually) pulling a trailer without cutting across opposing lanes.

Submitted by: Terry McLeod

The Dodge Hornet. I have no idea who it’s for, or what possessed people to buy it. It looks too small to be any more meaningful utility wise than a typical sedan, and It’s not exactly good looking either. This is another case of an automaker taking some historical nameplate of a sports car, and slapping it on a cheap crossover…I can’t even blame the manufacturer, the consumer shares all the blame here.

Submitted by: Agon Targeryan

Jeep Grand Wagoneer, hands down. It’s oddly styled, has questionable reliability, and it’s stupidly expensive. You’d have to be nuts to buy one over a Tahoe, Expedition, Denali, Escalade, XC90, or one of a dozen other big people-movers.

Submitted by: BuddyS

Dodge Charger EV, I like EVs, I own and EV, but never once thought of buying a Dodge Charger EV.

Submitted by: towman

While I have no beef with the car itself, I have to say the Mustang Mach-E, purely just because it’s got the word Mustang in its name. They could have called it anything. They should have brought back the Escort nameplate. Or invented an entirely new name for their entirely new car that neither looks like nor evokes anything resembling a Mustang (which is a car that still exists). It’s the equivalent of McDonalds bringing out a new sandwich with plant-based patties, an entirely different sauce, and no middle slice of bread, then calling it “the Big Mac-E.”

Submitted by: Dex_Meridian

Ford Expedition, GMС Yukon or similar. Pretty much any 3-row SUV or full-size truck that’s longer than most garages and has a hood height at or above an average elementary school child’s head, among other (apparently desirable) features like non-existing efficiency and expensive maintenance.

Submitted by: TheTerrible

Million dollar plus supercars. Yes, it’s got the performance of an F1 car and air-conditioned massaging seats. But it’s comfort and performance are purely theoretical. Most will be driven off a truck and into a hermetically sealed garage, where they will sit until they lose favor and are sold to another rich idiot who sees this car as just another expensive watch or other accessory to be collected and occasionally shown to the right people.

It’s stupid to put this much work into the design of a car that will NEVER be used for anything other than an investment opportunity. It’s stupid to divert resources to a program that produces these things when that money could be better spent coming up with a better EV or even a cleaner, better, faster ICE engine.

Submitted by: Buckfiddious

Gonna get hated on but I say Toyota Crown is up there. Crown is a good car but a dumb one. The Avalon was basically a Japanese Buick Park Avenue for the buyer who did not care about the snob factor of luxury brand but wanted luxury car experiences. The Crown looks very strange in terms of body design and it overall is an ugly vehicle. I have seen less than 10 in the wild since they launched. Dunno what is going on with Toyota. Now they have made a hideous new Lexus ES model as well.

Submitted by: Tex

My pick would be the Mazda CX-70. When Mazda first introduced the CX-90, everyone thought the 70 was going to be smaller. Turns out it’s just a 90 without the third row – and yet it’s usually more expensive because it has fewer trim levels. The only things that differentiate it are the lower part of the front bumper and some exterior/interior color choices. Strange for a company that usually makes good decisions.

Submitted by: JonRob 951

Lamborghini Urus. It’s an Audi RSQ8 in a very ugly Lambo suit for more than twice the money. The only reason to buy one is to show off.

Submitted by: Bitter65

Alfa Romeo Tonale. I know it’s pronouced tone-alay, but I’ll be damned if I’m driving around in a vehicle that is clearly called the Toenail.

Submitted by: JohnnyWasASchoolBoy