One of the greatest sports comedy sketches of all time remains Key & Peele’s ode to hilarious football names in their seminal “East/West College Bowl” bit. Every year I give it a watch around this time in preparation for the NFL Draft.
While we’ll never be blessed with a “Hingle McCringleberry” or “Tyroil Smoochie-Wallace,” there are still incredible names in every draft that deserve to be recognized. The purpose of the All-Name Team isn’t to make fun of people for something they had no choice in, but appreciate how amazing these names are — many of whom probably wont get to hear their name called on draft night.
QB: Connor Bazelak — Bowling Green
RB: Ulysses Bentley IV — Mississippi
WR: Konata Mumpfield — Pittsburgh
WR: Xzavier Henderson — Cincinnati
WR: Efton Chism III — Eastern Washington
TE: Rivaldo Fairweather — Auburn
OT: Gerad Christian-Lichtenhan — Oregon State
OG: Torricelli Simpkins III — South Carolina
C: Dartanyan Tinsley — Cincinnati
OG: Mose Vavao — Fresno State
OT: Esa Pole — Washington State
EDGE: Princely Umanmielen — Mississippi
LB: Smael Mondon Jr. — Georgia
LB: Marlowe Wax — Syracuse
EDGE: Chaz Chambliss — Georgia
DT: Tonka Hemingway — South Carolina
DT: Zeek Biggers — Georgia Tech
DT: Jahvaree Ritzie — North Carolina
CB: Cobee Bryant — Kansas
S: Kamren Fabiculanan — Washington
S: Cam’Ron Silmon Craig — Colorado
CB: Robert Longerbeam — Rutgers
K: Owen Daffer — North Carolina A&T
P: Alex Mastromanno — Florida State
LS: Rino Monteforte — Notre Dame
As for the name team MVP it’s tough. My gut says “Kamren Fabiculanan,” but I can’t shake a feeling in my heart about Smael Mondon Jr.
