If the 2024 Presidential Election has shown us anything, it’s that Gen Z cishet white men are being sucked into a world of brain rot and alt-right podcasts. These guys are feasting on the insecurities and perceived shortcomings of this group for their own financial gains, and it’s working. They don’t really have wars to go off and fight in, so they feel the need to prove their manliness (as silly as that may be) with demeaning language, actions and physical goods they feel project a machismo aesthetic to everyone around them.
One of the most telling ways a guy will posture himself as a real man — especially after they have a couple kids — is by purchasing a very large truck or SUV. They feel that will solve all of their problems and mask all of their inadequacies. In reality, it just lets everyone know you’re not secure in your manhood. Fellas, please don’t worry, because I’ve got a solution to this problem: minivans. A minivan is a car that a real man drives, and you can trust me because I’m a real man. No, I’m not one of those Chuds who listens to Andrew Tate and Jordan Peterson, even though a quick glance at me would probably make you think that.
I’m a sports fanatic with a beard and penchant for drinking beer, yet I still find time in my day to not demean women, minorities and other protected groups. If I’m this way then you can be too. You can also have the courage to stand up and say “I’ll take the minivan actually. I don’t need a full-size SUV or a Tesla Cybertruck to haul my two kids around.” I’m not saying owning a minivan has the same social weight as defending those groups I mentioned, but it’s part of the larger picture of redefining what it means to be “manly.”
I will wholeheartedly admit that I was very recently in the “huge trucks rock and they make me feel cool” camp, but in the weeks preceding the election, I had the chance to drive a handful of minivans, and holy hell folks, this is what you need in your life. You know what’s really manly? You and five of your closest buddies piling into a van with all of their luggage for a weekend away from the city. Being real manly is getting over 30 mpg thanks to the Chrysler Pacifica Hybrid Pinnacle’s PHEV system. Environmental conservation and carpooling are manly, and the Pacifica does that better than just about any other vehicle on the market.
Full Disclosure: Chrysler lent me this Pacifica Hybrid Pinnacle with a full battery and gas tank to do with as I pleased for a week.
Maybe the results of the election have changed my perception of things, or maybe my own tastes are just evolving naturally, but I can’t help but feel a bit silly when I climb into the driver’s seat of some anti-social massive pickup truck or SUV. I’m also deeply aware of what those cars say about me as a person. It’s not necessarily the rule, but when I see a huge truck or something similar, I can’t help but make assumptions about who they voted for, and I’m sure I’m not the only one who does that.
No one is making those sorts of assumptions about a guy who drives a minivan. The only thing people can tell is that you’re someone who values practicality and usability. You’re someone who doesn’t mind taking the kids to school or soccer practice. You’re a part of the community — a person who is there to be a friend and neighbor and lend a helping hand with your five Stow n’ Go seats. I’m sure there are Chud minivan owners out there, as no group is a monolith, but I bet they are fewer and farther between than Chud full-size SUV owners.
So, next time you’re shopping for a family car, give a minivan some real consideration. You will not be sorry, and I promise no one is going to call you “gay.” If they do, they’re just jealous they aren’t secure enough to pull a van off.
