Athletes appearing on “Hot Ones” is one of my favorite things on earth. It’s a rare opportunity to see the world’s greatest sports people utterly fail at something I excel at, which is eating exceedingly spicy food. This week it was Luka Doncic’s turn, and the Lakers’ guard really didn’t disappoint.
Out of the gate Luka knew he was in trouble. He said that Hot Ones scared him more than an NBA game, and established that he isn’t good with spicy food. If that doesn’t make you rub your hands together in anticipation, then I don’t know what to tell you.
On sauce two he played it up as only being “a little spicy,” but gave up his tell when he reached for water to take a sip. That’s a calling card that things are about to go extremely badly, because this sauce was only 5,500 Scoville units, or roughly the same heat as a jalapeno.
Doncic did pretty well until sauce six, toughing it through until it all hit him at once and he went for the milk at 110,000 Scoville units, which is a low-end habanero pepper. It’s at this point I feel the need to interject, because next up he was facing Da Bomb. Avid Hot Ones viewers know this is where things amp up, because it’s a sauce that really hits you. I love spicy food, but there’s something about Da Bomb that is the single most unpleasant sauce I’ve ever had. It’s all heat, no flavor, and like putting battery acid on your wings.
Luka took one bite, then exclaimed “oh prmejduš!,” which is a Slovenian curse word meaning “my soul.” He apologized to God shortly after this.
Luka started laughing and saying “I’m good,” before buying his head in his hands and drinking a lot of water. Credit where it’s due to Luka, because he made it all the way to the “Last Dab,” at which point the swearing began once more. This time he said “my mater,” which the internet tells me translates to “my mother,” but really means “oh man,” and is used like “ah, shit.”
Despite saying he’s really bad with hot food, Luke honestly killed this. Bravo, sir.
And since you’re here — let me tell you that I went down the rabbit hole of Slovenian swears, and I really can’t let you leave without telling you my two favorites.
I don’t know why “three hundred hairy bears” is a swear, and I don’t want to know. Blissful ignorance is better.
