What is the worst thing that can happen when a batter steps up to the plate? I had never been confronted by what the available options are until recently, so please bear with me as I sort through this.
Right off the bat (a little baseball humor) I will address that this is focused only on events spelled out by the rules. I fully acknowledge that a batter could be waiting for a pitch and a piano could fall from the sky, crushing him where he stood. Or it’s inside the batter’s box that he is served divorce papers on behalf of his spouse. These are events not within the realm of baseball, and therefore will be acknowledged once and now ignored.
The best-case scenario for a batter is to do a hit. Home run, single, double, the rest – I’m bunching them all together. A hit is a hit for today’s purposes.
Next best would be a walk. You get a base, you aren’t out, you didn’t have to do any work, but also it’s not sexy. No one will ask for your number based on your ability to draw walks.
After that, I think I’d rank being hit by a pitch. It’s the same as a walk, but with some physical pain attached. Among the greats of the game, the emotional high of taking a base at the mistake of another player makes it sting a bit less.
From there, I rank the classic strikeout. This may be controversial, I admit. This is the spot for getting out in some form or fashion, but to me the beautiful thing about a strikeout is the result is pretty certain. If the result is “uuuuuur out” no matter what, then give me the one that is over immediately and allows me to walk back to the dugout. If I hit the ball and then someone does baseball good enough for me to then be out, well, that stinks! So we’ve got strikeout and then hitting for an out in that order.
And now, that it’s contemplated, I will cement it: the only thing worse than that is striking out while getting hit by a pitch. It’s the only option with physical AND mental pain. It’s embarrassing all around. No one cares that you are in pain, you didn’t even get a base out of it! Loser. Why can’t you be more like your brother?
If you happened to fart while being hit by the pitch, that would probably be even worse and I assume somewhere in the rules is a note about what happens when a batter does a fart so stinky it’s insulting to both catcher and umpire, but I can’t confirm at the moment.
So, that’s that. If you’re still reading this, then I really believe you’ll love the video up at the top of the page. Good luck navigating your way back up there and enjoy the rest of your stay on the internet!
