Charley finally bought his dream car for over 20 years, a BMW M5. But then a bunch of thieves broke into his house took his keys and stole his car. He wants to replace it with something just as quick, but less desirable to hooligans. What car should he buy?
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Here is the scenario.
I live in NJ and I’m a father of 2 (both under 2 years old) and last year I bought my dream car of 20 years – a BMW M5. A little over a week ago some punks from Newark broke into our home while we were here and stole my wallet, keys and car. Police say they’re doing it all over NJ – any M, AMG, Porsche, etc. Basically any identifiable high end luxury car is a target. My wife doesn’t want me to get anything that could make us a target again but I need a fun car that fits the kids, otherwise I’ll die of depression.
My requirements are – It needs to beat most cars off the line at a stop light, be able to fit car seats, isn’t too loud to wake the neighbors, isn’t fully electric and won’t be a target for future car theft. Budget is about $60,000
Quick Facts:
Budget: up to $60,00
Location: New Jersey
Daily Driver: Yes
Wants: Fast, practical, undesirable for thieves
Doesn’t want: An EV
Expert 1: Tom McParland – Super Sleeper
So normally I’m the one who suggests a reasonable vehicle, but not this time. This is going to be a multi-step solution. Step one, find yourself a Buick Regal TourX wagon. These are great family cars, super comfortable, and a solid European-built platform. Also, ain’t nobody stealing a Buick, let alone a big Buick wagon. You can get a decent one of these for less than $25,000. This example is $20,000, and is the correct color of burgundy to add an extra level of theft deterrent.
Then we move to step 2. You’ll need to find a totaled Camaro or Corvette, this shouldn’t be too hard in New Jersey. Then you are going to find a shop that can swap the Buick’s 4cyl motor for an LS V8. This likely won’t be cheap or easy, but you have up to $40,000 remaining in the budget for the powertrain work, suspension, and whatever else it needs. But under no circumstances do you change the bodywork. You want this to look like a boring wagon with a monster motor underneath, so you can have the only Buick on the block that can smoke a BMW but gets passed over by the thieves.
Expert 2: Amber DaSilva – Super-er Sleeper
Charley, first off, I’m sorry about your M5, but losing that gives you an opportunity to get something more subtle, and I think I’ve got just what you need. My friend, allow me to introduce the modern equivalent of the E39 M5: The Chevy SS.
Four doors worth of practicality, an LS and a stick shift worth of fun. Yet, with a Chevy badge up front (or, in the case of this particular car, a Holden insignia), thieves going for luxury cars won’t look twice at it. It looks like a Malibu, but it drives like a Camaro. Sort of. It’s on the same platform as the fifth-generation Camaro, which should count for something.
You can find SSes near you for well within your budget, but I’d recommend searching farther out for something rarer: A manual SS. Nothing is a better theft deterrent than a manual transmission, and SSes with a six-speed can still be found if you look hard enough. Here’s one in Indiana for $44,500, but you may be able to find closer options with some dedicated searching — or even have one delivered right to you.
The SS is all the driver-focused performance of the E39 M5 with none of the luxury-badge thief appeal. Plus, if 415 horsepower isn’t enough to beat your friends off the line, the LS engine has a wealth of mod options — headers, intakes, forced induction, you name it. Get yourself an SS, and never worry about lacking power — or falling victim to car thieves — again.
Expert 3: Bradley Brownell – Theft Proof
It’s slightly ironic to be considering an Acura Integra as the car that thieves wouldn’t steal, given the history of earlier Integras and Civics being some of the most stolen cars ever. That said, I think your high end thieves are largely going to ignore a $50,000 family sedan with an Acura badge on it, even if it’s one of the most fun things to drive on the market today. Who doesn’t want a tire-roasting 320-horsepower super sedan?
I lived with a Buick Regal TourX for six years, and absolutely loved it, but Tom’s suggestion of giving it more power is not only absurd, you’re reinventing the wheel and creating mega headaches for yourself. Amber’s Chevrolet isn’t a terrible suggestion, but the interior will never live up to the BMW and you’re driving a car GM won’t support anymore. I’m showing you a way out, a fun car with a manual transmission and a warranty, with Honda reliability and acceptable fuel mileage, and it’s way under budget. You know the way, it’s the Type S, baby.
Don’t listen to Amber when she wrote the Chevy SS is good, listen to her last June when she wrote “For my imaginary, hypothetical money, give me the Integra Type S any day.”
Expert 4: Owen Bellwood – Loud And Proud
That’s rubbish news about your M5, Charley, those punks in NJ are a menace. On the bright side, it means you have $60,000 to spend on a fun new set of wheels and for that price you can get some great cars.
My colleagues have come up with some good picks for you to blend in, but not being a criminal I’m not sure what would or wouldn’t stands out to car thieves. So I don’t think you should blend in, instead you should go for something that’s so loud and obvious that it’ll wake the neighborhood if ever someone tries to start it up. Charley, you need a dash of awesomeness in your life, so you should get a Cadillac CTS-V wagon.
I might have originally wanted to change your mind on EVs and get you in this lovely Taycan wagon, but the CTS-V is better. It ticks all the boxes, really, and is fast thanks to that 6.2 liter supercharged V8; is fun because, well, look at it; and is practical because it’s a hot wagon with 25 cubic feet of storage in the back. Honestly, throw in a steering lock and what more could you want?
