How Being ‘Real’ Can Backfire for Leaders

It’s easy to throw around the word “authenticity” in leadership circles. Yet, like many buzzwords, it’s lost much of its meaning. Authenticity isn’t a license to overshare or a directive to reveal every doubt. It’s not about being unfiltered or emotionally raw. Instead, it’s about something more nuanced and powerful: Letting your values guide how you show up and communicate consistently, while still remaining empathetic.

Recent data shows that trust in leadership is under serious pressure. A 2024 DDI survey of more than 13,000 global leaders found that only 32% trust senior leadership, down 17 points from 2022. Trust in immediate managers also dropped sharply — from 46% to just 29%. While there are many factors behind this decline, one thing is clear: Predictability matters.

In times of uncertainty, people don’t just listen to what leaders say. They also pay close attention to whether their words and actions align over time. When communication feels grounded in values and is delivered with care and consistency, people are more likely to believe what they hear and to trust the person delivering it.

When a leader leads with a deep level of authenticity, it can build lasting trust. When someone communicates authentically, it feels like they mean it, believe it and are honest, which can directly improve trust. But when their direct honesty is misapplied, it can backfire and undermine the very connection leaders seek to strengthen.

Related: Authentic Leadership: What Is It and Why Is It Important?

When “being real” crosses the line

Authenticity means aligning what you say, do and decide with the values you claim to hold. As Gloria St. Martin-Lowry, President of HPWP Group, puts it: “Authenticity isn’t about saying whatever comes to mind — that’s unfiltered. Some people like the shock value, but that can have negative impacts and erode trust. True authenticity is about consistency, in your words, actions and decisions.”

Leaders sometimes confuse being “real” with being unfiltered, but the two are not the same. Transparency is important, but without thoughtfulness, it can create confusion or even anxiety among teams. Authenticity, by contrast, builds clarity and trust when it’s rooted in alignment — when what you say and how you act matches what you say you stand for.

In practice, that means choosing honesty over shock value and intentionality over impulse. If a leader constantly shifts their tone or messaging based on mood or pressure, it doesn’t build confidence. It feels unpredictable. And unpredictability erodes trust.

This perspective reinforces something we see in coaching all the time: Consistency is credibility. When leaders show up with steadiness and purpose, even in difficult moments, teams are more likely to trust their intent, even if they don’t always agree with every decision.

When vulnerability builds connection

Authenticity in leadership comes through intentional, values-based connection with others. Leaders build trust by sharing stories that reveal their values and human side in meaningful ways.

In one executive workshop, a newly acquired leadership team gathered at their HQ for a communication exercise. Two of the leaders sat withdrawn, quiet and unsure of their place in the group. During a storytelling exercise, one of them opened up: He spoke about his challenges as a child being bullied. The other executive shared her challenges around performance anxiety when playing college basketball.

At first, silence. Then, something shifted. The group leaned in and started to communicate more openly, directly, honestly and productively around how to build a better team, strategy and plan. The leaders, who had felt disconnected, became part of the team.

Why did that moment build trust? Because it wasn’t self-indulgent. The stories reflected vulnerability with purpose. They were not unraveling but rather opening up in a way that aligned with the values of the team: honesty, care and connection.

Contrast that with oversharing born from impulse or insecurity. When leaders dump their emotions without context or restraint, it can disorient teams. Authenticity without intention feels less like connection and more like confusion.

Related: Thought Leaders Are Encouraged to Share Personal Stories — But Can It Go Too Far? Use These 3 Tips to Open Up Without Oversharing

When calm leadership builds trust

Another client’s CEO illustrated this perfectly. After a billion-dollar deal collapsed at the last minute, the company’s senior leaders were rattled. The CEO didn’t rush in with bravado or spin. Instead, he opened the next morning’s meeting with a single slide: a fly splattered on a windshield.

“I know some of you feel like this right now,” he said. “And that’s okay. Let’s take a moment to process it. But know this — we’ll be fine. Bigger deals are already in the works.”

That moment was authentic, not because he disclosed his personal stress, but because he acknowledged the collective emotion and modeled calm resilience. People look to leaders not only for vision, but for cues on how to respond in crisis. This CEO offered both truth and stability, a balance his team needed to move forward.

When staying true feels at odds with change

In coaching conversations, leaders often describe feeling stuck when they receive feedback about how they’re perceived. They wonder: Should I change and risk feeling inauthentic? Or stay the same and risk losing credibility or influence?

This tension is common, but the answer isn’t found in choosing one extreme. The most effective leaders understand that authenticity isn’t about sticking to one style. It’s about flexing with purpose. And, most importantly, balancing honesty with mindfulness so that their communication is productive and adds value. They draw from a full range of strengths and adjust how they show up based on what the moment calls for, not out of fear or people-pleasing.

That’s situational leadership in practice: using self-awareness and intention to meet the moment without compromising who you are.

One example involved a high-performing executive who was known for delivering results, but feedback revealed that her intensity was making her team reluctant to engage. Instead of dismissing the criticism or abandoning her style, she acknowledged the impact, took responsibility and committed to doing better. That turning point reshaped how her team viewed her. They didn’t see her as less driven; they saw her as more self-aware and trustworthy.

Authenticity doesn’t mean locking into a fixed identity. Leaders don’t need to be defined by one trait or held hostage by the idea of “just being themselves.” Instead, authenticity includes the willingness to evolve. When feedback reveals a gap between intention and impact, effective leaders use that insight to grow. The goal isn’t to appease others, but to become a clearer, more aligned version of themselves.

When authenticity meets integrity

Authenticity may invite trust, but integrity seals it. If authenticity is expressing your values, integrity is proving them. It shows up in two ways:

One of the clearest tests of authentic leadership is behavioral consistency. Say what you do and do what you say, always and consistently. Leaders can’t afford to neglect this. When promises go unfulfilled, even with good intentions, credibility erodes. That disconnect is especially damaging when a leader’s actions contradict their stated values. People start to question what’s real and whether the leader truly believes what they say. Over time, trust breaks down, not because of a major scandal, but because of minor, repeated inconsistencies.

The most admired leaders are clear about what matters to them, consistent in how they show it and careful about the commitments they make. Their teams know what to expect, and that predictability creates psychological safety.

Related: Authenticity Is the Latest Business Buzzword — But Don’t Fall Into Its Trap. You Need to Balance It With This.

When authenticity isn’t an excuse for rudeness

Being authentic doesn’t mean saying whatever comes to mind or delivering feedback without care. Some leaders confuse honesty with bluntness, but unfiltered truth can cause more harm than good. Effective leadership communication blends sincerity with empathy. It’s not just about what you say, but how it lands. The best leaders speak with both courage and consideration, delivering truth in ways that build rather than break relationships.

When authenticity meets the moment, trust follows

The most effective leaders don’t pick between composure and vulnerability. They choose both, as needed. They aren’t overly filtered or wildly raw. They lead with clarity, humility and intent.

Trust isn’t built by default. It’s built by design through every choice, every action and every word. The leaders who earn it are those who know that authenticity isn’t just about being seen. It’s about being clear, consistent and courageous in showing who you are and why you lead.

It’s easy to throw around the word “authenticity” in leadership circles. Yet, like many buzzwords, it’s lost much of its meaning. Authenticity isn’t a license to overshare or a directive to reveal every doubt. It’s not about being unfiltered or emotionally raw. Instead, it’s about something more nuanced and powerful: Letting your values guide how you show up and communicate consistently, while still remaining empathetic.

Recent data shows that trust in leadership is under serious pressure. A 2024 DDI survey of more than 13,000 global leaders found that only 32% trust senior leadership, down 17 points from 2022. Trust in immediate managers also dropped sharply — from 46% to just 29%. While there are many factors behind this decline, one thing is clear: Predictability matters.