KISS bassist slash singer Gene Simmons may be in his 70s and unable to party quite as hard as he used to, but he still knows how to turn up the night. NBC4 Los Angeles reports that Simmons crashed his Lincoln Navigator into a parked car on Tuesday while driving on the Pacific Coast Highway. Except it wasn’t some 4 a.m. wreck after a wild bender. Instead, it happened at about 1 p.m., and it doesn’t appear that he was trashed. He also survived, and didn’t need anyone to kickstart his heart.
In fact, it doesn’t appear that Simmons caused any serious injuries, either to himself or anyone else, when he crashed. When emergency responders arrived, he was reportedly still able to speak well enough to explain that he passed out or possibly fainted behind the wheel, claiming that caused him to hit the parked car. His wife Shannon Tweed also told NBC4 her Iron Man is already out of the hospital and recovering at home, sweet home. Hopefully, he isn’t in a theatre of pain.
You gotta hydrate
As for what caused him to pass out, Tweed told NBC4, doctors recently changed the medications he was taking, so that may have been a contributing factor. But she also told the news outlet that Simmons likely needed to drink more water. Because he always needs to drink more water. Because he really doesn’t like drinking water. I guess after decades of shouting at the devil and tumbling dice, drinking plain old water doesn’t feel quite as exciting as pounding a fifth of tequila.
And you know what, Gene? I get it. Things with flavor taste better than things without flavor. But you’ve got to hydrate somehow, and as much as you may want coffee and Red Bull to do the job, you can’t always get what you want. Plus, neither one of us is nearly as young as we used to be. You’ve got to start drinking more water, man. Maybe seltzer is more your speed? The cheap stuff sucks, but Spindrift is great. And I know you’ve got Spindrift money. Or maybe cold stuff isn’t your style, and you prefer the hot stuff, especially at night. That’s fine. There are plenty of caffeine-free teas to get into, which aren’t technically water, but at least they have flavor and won’t dehydrate you.
But clearly you can’t keep living this way. No one got seriously hurt this time around, but what about the next time? I also imagine you want to make it to your 80s, and if you think that’s going to happen without drinking more water, dream on.
