Folks in and around New Jersey lost their minds recently, and not just because they heard rumors that people might be allowed to pump their own gas. No, it’s because they keep seeing things in the sky that may or may not be drones, and it caused them to absolutely freak the fuck out. Is it aliens? China? Aliens working with China? The official line is that a change in the law now allows people to fly drones at night, and that’s responsible for most of the sightings. I can’t say for sure, but what I will say is that you should not shoot at those things in the sky under any circumstances.
If you legitimately believe we’re being invaded, it’s understandable that you might want to stand your ground. This is America, after all. We’re the land of the free and the home of the brave, and don’t you dare tell us about the absolute sea of asterisks that come attached to those statements unless you want to get shot, too. Heck, we even recently began an experiment to see if we could solve our healthcare crisis with gun violence.
Just like when Luigi Macaroni allegedly killed that insurance CEO, though, if you get caught shooting at unknown things in the sky, the police will arrest you, authorities will charge you with various crimes and you or your family will be forced to spend a small fortune on lawyers before you’re inevitably convicted and punished. Even if you don’t get caught, it’s still an incredibly reckless and irresponsible thing to do because there’s a decent chance that dirty, red commie drone you saw was just a regular aircraft with actual people inside, and you could easily kill them since, you know, you’re shooting a gun at an object in the sky, and that’s what guns do. They kill things.
In fact, the freakout has gotten so bad that the FBI recently issued a warning against shooting at objects in the sky, as well as shining laser pointers at them. Because apparently that needs to be relitigated again. Yes, it’s still illegal to shine lasers at aircraft. In fact, earlier this year, a man who did exactly that got eight months in prison. Even if you think you’re tough, are you eight-months-in-prison tough? No? Exactly.
Aside from the danger to other people’s lives and risk of going to prison if you’re caught, shooting at aircraft also violates one of the most basic rules of gun safety. You’re supposed to know what you’re shooting at before you pull the trigger, as well as what’s behind the thing you’re shooting at. There’s just as much of a chance that you’re shooting at a plane, helicopter or even the stars that form Orion’s belt as there is that you’re about to take down an alien starship or a drone controlled by the Chinese military. And if we don’t know what it is, we don’t shoot at it.
That’s probably too much to ask from people with the same lead-addled brains that decided Trump deserved a second term in office, but hey, you can’t say we didn’t warn you, Marge. If you get arrested for shooting down a drone or shining a laser pointer at a helicopter, it sure as hell won’t be Jalopnik’s fault.
