You know, if I had a nickel for every time I can remember a fan throwing a dildo onto the area of play for a sports game, I’d have two nickels. Which isn’t a lot but it’s remarkable that there’s two.
In the crunch time of a close game between the Atlanta Dream and Golden State Valkyries, a fan threw a … neon green dildo onto the floor.
I have … so many questions, but let me first say this: this is the most city of Atlanta-coded thing to ever happen. It’s like a real life online video game server, you never know what quite to expect there. Second, whoever threw that has a freaking CANNON for an arm, that thing came in hot. If it were to hit a player I’m sure it would cause some damage.
Now, for my questions. First, how do you smuggle a dildo into the game? Wait, don’t answer that question because I don’t wanna know. Second, was this premeditated? How do you wake up one day, look at a dildo and go, “yeah I’m throwing this thing on the court tonight?” I’m the furthest thing from a dildo expert, but I feel like those are kind of expensive. If you spent a lot of money on a throwaway dildo, that feels like a crazy misuse of funds in this economy. If it was premeditated, what do you do now that the dildo is gone? According to reports, police confiscated it, so you’re not getting it back. Feels like hustling backwards, which makes me think this was a spur of the moment thing. But that brings up another couple of questions: first, why do you travel with a dildo? That’s crazy as hell. Second, why would a basketball game make you so heated that you threw a dildo on the floor? That feels like a massive jump in intensity.
I’m sure most Bills fans would be experts in the art of throwing phallic-shaped objects on the field, considering that one time a dildo flew in after Patriots’ WR Kendrick Bourne scored a TD.
Either way, there’s far too many questions right now, questions that may not be answered. But I can say without a shadow of a doubt that this is the most Atlanta thing ever.
