Elon Musk Gets His $1 Trillion Pay Package, Promises That Robots Will Follow Criminals Around To Stop Them From Doing Crimes In The Future

Well, it finally happened. Tesla shareholders have officially approved Elon Musk’s $1 trillion pay package, setting him up to potentially become the world’s first trillionaire. The newly approved package would also allow Musk to increase the size of his ownership stake in Tesla, potentially giving him more than 25% of the company, Bloomberg reports. That said, it’s not like the shareholders just handed him a trillion dollars. He’ll have to hit a series of market cap and operational milestones along the way if he wants his shares, and there’s no guarantee that will happen.

The market cap milestones are relatively straightforward, with the first one being a $2 trillion valuation and subsequent milestones set every time the valuation goes up another $500 billion. The operational milestones, however, are a bit more varied, requiring Tesla to deliver a total of 20 million vehicles, hit 10 million subscriptions for its so-called “Full Self-Driving” software (that isn’t actually capable of full self-driving), bring a million robotaxis into operation, deliver 1 million of Tesla’s humanoid robots and then bring adjusted earnings to $50 billion. After adjusted EBITDA hits $50 billion, Musk will then have to grow earnings to $80 billion, then $130 billion, $210 billion, $300 billion and, finally, $400 billion. 

So, in order for Musk to get his $1 trillion, he’s going to have to sell cars, build robotaxis, drastically increase revenue and somehow figure out how to make people buy a bunch of janky robots that no one wants. Getting there won’t be easy, and that’s a good thing, because no one person should ever have that kind of money. No one should be allowed to become a billionaire, either, but they definitely shouldn’t be allowed to accumulate $1 trillion. 

To put that in perspective, a million seconds works out to about 11.5 days, while a billion seconds adds up to more than 31 years. Meanwhile, a trillion seconds is more than 31,600 years. It’s beyond ridiculous, especially at a time when so many people are struggling to afford the basic costs of living.

Tesla chose to announce the results of the vote at the electric automaker’s annual shareholder meeting, where Musk’s pay package wasn’t the only news. After all, they allowed their newly crowned god king to speak, and when Elon speaks, you know things are about to get weird (and scam-y). Let’s see… per Business Insider‘s live updates, Musk:

• Compared Tesla’s annual shareholder meeting to a “cyberpunk night club,” telling the crowd, “Other shareholder meetings are snooze fests. Ours are bangers.”
• Claimed Tesla will sell tens of billions of its humanoid robots because everyone on earth will want “their own personal R2-D2.” Optimus will allegedly be “bigger than cellphones.”
• Claimed humanoid robots will usher in a future where “maybe there won’t even be money,” and Optimus is basically an “infinite money glitch.”
• Promised that Tesla’s so-called “Full Self-Driving” software (that isn’t actually capable of full self-driving) will allow owners to text while driving “in the next month or two.”
• Claimed production of Tesla’s dedicated robotaxi will begin in April 2026.
• Claimed it will cost about $20,000 to build each Optimus robot.
• Said Tesla will “probably” have to build a “gigantic chip fab” to keep up with demand.
• Praised the Supercharger team he gutted for expanding the Supercharger network.
• Repeated claims that a new Tesla Roadster is still coming (at some point, eventually).
• Claimed Tesla’s vehicles and humanoid robots will be a “natural fit” when it comes time to build a moon base.
• Hinted at a SpaceX IPO.
• Repeated claims that self-driving Teslas will be part of a “massive distributed AI inference fleet” that could earn owners money when not being driven.
• Promised we’ll see the new Roadster on April 1, which may or may not have been an April Fool’s joke.
• Said it’s “difficult to imagine that any humans will actually be in charge,” assuming “artificial intelligence vastly exceeds the sum of human intelligence.”
• Claimed Tesla will also have to invest “tens of billions” to train its Optimus robots.

As you can see in the post embedded above, at one point, Elon also claimed that Optimus robots may one day be assigned to follow criminals around to stop them from doing crimes. You know, because “criminal” is a specific class of person entirely separate from the normal humans who aren’t genetically predisposed to do crime, or whatever. 

Anyway, fingers crossed the Republicans will be out of power soon and the government will actually put some real reforms in place that stop people like Elon Musk from accumulating more wealth than any human could possibly possess ethically.