You see, Stanford’s Band (its full Christian name is the Leland Stanford Junior University Marching Band) does little skits with speaking roles during downtime at football games, and on Saturday, one of their skits was “The Band Buys A Cybertruck.” Despite the fact Stanford’s campus is in the heart of Silicon Valley, California, the group of students aimed the less-than-useful truck and its many flaws.
Basically, during halftime of the Virginia Tech-Stanford game, someone stumbled around Stanford Stadium in a little Cybertruck costume. As the band performed the song “Life in the Fast Line,” the cardboard Cybertruck ran around the field. All the while, one of the narrators said it looked like a “3D model of a DeLorean rendered using a fax machine’s graphics card.” God, these people are such dorks, but dammit, I respect them. They also said it looked like “a kindergartner’s art project” and poked fun at its many recalls.
To really bring it all home, the Cybertruck goes into “Autopilot” and immediately crashes into the Stanford Tree. Brutal. Finally, a person wearing a raccoon costume attacks the truck because they “mistook it for a dumpster.”
Ya know it’s little things like this that make me feel like I’m not alone or out of my gourd for thinking the Cybertruck is something we should all be mocking.
The official Stanford Band X account posted the whole script on the social media site, saying “If we disappear from twitter you’ll know why lol.” Here’s the full transcript so you can really feel like you were there:
A1: AND NOW, back from teaching HokieBird the guitar riff from Free Bird, it’s the one, the only, the truly incomparable Leland Stanford Junior University Marching Band
(ITOTOTTILSJUMB)!!
A2: Unfortunately l’ve been getting a lot of messages lately asking why the band doesn’t march.
A1: Some people just don’t understand. However, l’ve been thinking about a way we can improve our brand, and I think I might have just figured out what we’ve been missing.
A2: Wait what-
A1: Unveiling for the first time ever, the unofficial official band vehicle, the LSJUMB cyber truck!
A person wearing a cybertruck costume runs onto the field. The entire time the band stares at it in confusion and scratches their heads.
Song: Life in the Fast Lane Formation: CAR → HUH
A2: Uhhh….what is that?
A1: It’s the band cybertruck!
A2: This thing looks like a 3D model of a DeLorean rendered using a fax machine’s graphics card. Where did you even get the money to buy this??
A1: Don’t worry about it, it’s all the rage right now.
A2: By all the rage, do you mean literal rage, or road rage?
A1: More like outrage.
Song: Panic Station (Maybe top to mes. 21)
Formation: CAR -> RAH
A2: To be honest, I don’t like this, this thing should only exist as a kindergarteners art project.
A1: Maybe you’re right.
A2: Also, is this even safe? The front trunk looks like it could take someone’s finger off.
A1: I think you mean frunk.
A2: Okay, but there were safety hazards right? Didn’t they have a bunch of recalls?
A1: 1 mean yeah, but they probably caught everything. Here, just watch it go into autopilot, I think that’s the most appealing feature!
Song: Reptilia
Formation: A Giant Rectangle with an entrance on the side and a exit in the front (where the announcers are)
Car: Cybertruck robotically enters the rectangle then quickly gets turned around (auto pilot isn’t working). Bumps into the tree, barely budging the tree, finally finds the exit to where the announcers are.
Camera: Cutting to both the cybertruck and the regular cuts to the band
A2: That was…..embarrassing.
A1: 1 guess this really didn’t work, hopefully I can return it and get my money back-hey get away from there!
Camera pans over as a person in a raccoon costume attacks the person wearing the cybertuck. The band is shocked and starts laughing, stays on the field an extra thirty seconds.
A2: What was that?!
A1: Well, it looks like a raccoon mistook it for a dumpster.
A2: This was a bad idea. From you, and the guy who dreamt up this abomination from the future. Let’s just forget that this ever happened. Join us next time when we make fun of more vehicles that deserve it, you’ve been watching the one, the only, the truly incomparable Leland Stanford Junior University Marching Band (YBWTOTOTTILSJUMB)!
