Vegemite — the thick, umami-ey, nearly inedibly salty spread from down under — is renowned across six continents for its awful taste and smell, despite Australians still maintaining that it’s a reasonable thing to spread across your toast and chow down on. The intrepid folks over at Garbage Time, though, have found a use for Vegemite that not even Aussies can tolerate: Replacing your car’s engine oil with it. It’s a bad idea for everyone and everything involved — most of all the AU Ford Falcon forced to endure it — but at least it makes for an entertaining watch.
The first problem with using Vegemite as oil is that the toast-topper is simply too thick. In terms of consistency, Vegemite ranks somewhere between peanut butter and lumber — it’s not exactly pourable, let alone movable with a Ford Falcon’s oil pump. The second problem is that Vegemite doesn’t actually mix with water, meaning that you can’t really effectively dilute it into something that can be poured or pumped.
I want to try Vegemite even less now
The third issue is, of course, that Vegemite does not effectively lubricate an engine in any way. This is clearly demonstrated by the video, in which the two cackling Aussies pin their doomed Falcon on the limiter until the engine seizes, dumps Vegemite everywhere, and shoots its dipstick out. Even at the end, it’s clear the Vegemite was barely moving through the engine — the dipstick routinely comes up coated in the clear water the Garbage Time pair attempted to use to dilute the Vegemite.
You should not put toast toppings in your engine and expect them to serve as lubrication. It’s simply a bad idea all around. You should, though, let the mad geniuses down in Australia do so — then watch their scientific findings as published on YouTube. No one is doing it like Garbage Time, and I wish them an endless supply of worthless Falcons to destroy in novel, foul-smelling ways.
