This Is What Your Cars Would Say About You If They Could Speak

A picture is worth a thousand words, but a car? Well, I personally have probably written hundreds of thousands of words about cars in the last 13 years, and somehow there is always more to say. There’s so much that moves us about our means of conveyance. Like an old friend, your car is there for you when you need it and gives you joy and fun new experiences. Can your car say the same thing about you? 

I asked you earlier this week what your car would say about you if it could speak. A lot of our longtime readers chimed in (yes, I recognize your user names from the G/O days) and gave voice to their vehicles. Some are begging for further adventures, some are just grateful for regular maintenance and still others are crying out for a good cleaning. I appreciate all of you for going on this journey of anthropomorphizing your vehicles. Scroll through to see what some of our most devoted readers think their cars would say about them. 

Both the ’22 Crosstrek and the ’03 Tundra go on adventures in places that most vehicles never get to see. Then they see me hike, ski, bike, or paddle away from them; returning dirty, tired, and sometimes injured. My vehicles would say “We do fun things in fun places. “

From JohnnyWasASchoolBoy

Mine would say, “Dude, there’s not a hill or curve within 200 miles of the driveway. Let’s get the hell out of Florida for a while!”

From BuddyS

“It’s about time.”

Is what I think my car would say about me. After 10 years, my long distance relationship is about to become a regular distance relationship, and it will no longer be called upon to drive 400+ miles across the midwest’s least scenic parts just about every other week.

The Outback was bought specifically for it’s incredible ability to cover huge distances in whatever weather happens to be happening, to make this relationship work. I think it’ll be happy that it’s long distance driving abilities will now be used for weekend trips up north and down south and pretty much all the beautiful places we can find.

From Buckfiddious

“Thanks for taking it easy with the accelerator pedal lately. My aching bones appreciate the lack of stress.”

Combination of wanting to get better fuel mileage lately (for obvious reasons) and the local cops in the area HEAVILY cracking down on speeding, even as little as four or five over the limit, I’ve been giving the ol’ girl a break. I also regularly get her washed, and even pat her fender and/or taillight ever so often.

She may be a not-terribly-sporty little subcompact, but I appreciate her all the same.

From DiRF

My 2002 Toyota Sequoia would say “Let’s go on a nice long drive for once where I can really stretch my tires and engine”. Too bad I live in California which has the most expensive gas prices.

From Giantsgiants

It would say push me harder! I’d rather fix a car after driving it hard then baby it and it runs for years! People today are so lazy when it comes to cars and trucks. They only want to drive them around like cattle. It’s sad, they value reliability over capability!

From 24C8Zo6

My car would say thank you for all the on time maintenance but how about washing me once in a while.It may even throw in take me to the ocean instead of work sometime soon.It would absolutely say I don’t mind if the kids take me out but please don’t let your wife….she doesn’t treat me well and scares me.

From Bruno

Thanks for the induced laugh—my brain automatically went to Eddie Murphy’s skit on talking cars. “Hey man, someone just stole your battery…I say we go get the motherf*cker”.

From Rick C.

My car would say that that I need to relax a bit more, head out to the mountain roads a couple of hours east of me, and scrub some tread off of the tires.

From Xavier96

My truck would say, “Thanks for actually using me as a truck and hauling stuff with me.” Then it would ask why it was slowly being eaten alive by road salt.

From Anonymous Person