Members of the Society of St. Pius X defied the Vatican this week, consecrating four new bishops Pope Leo XIV had already told them not to, effectively excommunicating themselves from the Roman Catholic Church. According to NPR, the Vatican has since responded by formally announcing the excommunication of the six SSPX bishops who were involved, invalidating the sacraments they perform, and most importantly, declaring their consecrations a “schismatic act.” As niche as that may sound, it’s a big deal, especially for the car world. Because every schism makes an antipope more likely, and dueling popes could soon mean dueling Popemobiles.
Sadly, before we get an Antipopemobile, we first need an antipope, and as exciting as that would be, it’s far from guaranteed. French Archbishop Marcel Lefebvre founded SSPX in 1970 and already got himself excommunicated (and later un-excommunicated) once before he died, and we didn’t get a second Popemobile then. The Vatican’s also been working for years to bring SSPX back in line, but this particular schism feels like it might be different. As NPR explained:
But the sanctions imposed Thursday suggest that after nearly five decades of trying to negotiate with the society, the Holy See has had enough.
The Vatican responded so aggressively in part because the group poses something of a threat by representing a parallel, ultra-Catholic, pre-Vatican II church that has grown in the decades since its original break from Rome.
The group now has six bishops, 751 priests, 264 seminarians training in five seminaries, 145 religious brothers, 88 oblates and 250 religious sisters representing 50 nationalities, according to SSPX statistics.
Popemobile vs Antipopemobile
If Pope Leo sees SSPX’s defiance as enough of a threat to formally excommunicate all six bishops and use phrases like “schismatic act,” there’s a chance the Lefebvrists could actually end up forming their own church. And if SSPX believes themselves to be the true Catholic Church, they’re going to need an antipope. And while there hasn’t been a true antipope in nearly 600 years, it’s probably safe to assume no self-respecting antipope in the year 2026 is going to stand by and let the Cool Pope ride around in a sweet electric G-Wagen without an Antipopemobile of his own.
The question is, where will this new rogue Catholic denomination get its Antipopemobile? It’s hard to imagine an Italian automaker defying the Vatican to build an Antipopemobile for the heretics. Other European automakers would also most likely pass, especially since SSPX claims about 600,000 members globally, making its membership a rounding error at most compared to the Roman Catholic Church’s billion-plus followers. Heck, even American automakers would probably be reluctant to anger the 50 million-plus Roman Catholics in the U.S.
That doesn’t necessarily mean the Lefebvrists will have to build their own Antipopemobile, though. Instead, they’ll probably just have to find an automaker that doesn’t have to worry about the Vatican or its internal disputes. If the phrase “whale penis leather” means anything to you, you might be thinking Dartz would be perfect. The problem is, when Russia started its war with Ukraine, Dartz announced it would remove the Z from its logo, likely making the whale penis leather SUV company too woke for such a conservative sect.
Which brings us to Mansory. If you’ve ever seen one of its unfortunate creations before, you know no pope, god, or fear of hell holds any power over Mansory. As long as the check clears, Mansory will build the most blasphemous, heretical vehicle you could ask for. Even better, they already have a modfied Tesla Cybertruck in their lineup. Throw a little rain cover over the back of that thing and tell me a Mansory Elongation wouldn’t make a perfect Antipopemobile.
