I’m not here to yuck on anyone’s yum or disrespect the French, but sometimes it’s hard not to when a story like this comes across my desk. You see, some poor schmuck of a Frenchman caused the evacuation of an entire hospital in Toulouse after doctors found he had an eight-inch-long World War I artillery shell shoved up his rectum. Oh, and it was also live — taking the idea of having a “bomb ass” to whole new levels.
The unidentified 24-year-old patient was rushed to the Rangueil Accident and Emergency center in the south-western part of the country over the weekend, complaining of “extreme discomfort, having inserted a large object up his rectum,” according to a source who spoke with the Daily Mail. They went on to say that while emergency surgery was being carried out, the “object” was found, undetonated. That’s when the bomb squad had to be called in to diffuse the shell with firefighters standing by in case things got hairy(er). Staff and patients had to be evacuated, and a security perimeter was set up.
Eventually, the shell, which dated back to 1918, was declared safe. For those who are wondering — like I was — the pointed shell measured a bit under eight inches long and about 1.5 inches in circumference, and it was used by the Imperial German Army toward the end of the First World War. Hundreds of thousands of them were used against British and French forces on the Western Front between 1914 and 1918. Talk about intimately knowing your enemy.
Trench warfare
To add insult to injury, the 24-year-old — who is still recovering from surgery — could also face charges since he may have violated France’s weapons legislation, according to The Sun. He’s expected to be interviewed by police this week, and prosecutors are mulling legal action against him for handling “category A munitions.
Right now, there’s no official explanation as to why the French national stuck a live bomb in his b-hole, but local media have speculated it could have something to do with his, uh, social life. One local outlet, La Dépêche, reportedly said that the medical staff in Toulouse routinely deal with folks who get too into sexual games.
Back in 2022, doctors had to treat an 88-year-old Frenchman who arrived at a hospital in Toulon with an eight-inch WWI bomb lodged in his no-fly zone. Similarly, it sparked a bomb scare as hospital staff were worried it would detonate — or perhaps he would, as it was understood that he did it for “sexual pleasure,” according to The Mail.
