This weekend, we watched the movie Eighth Grade about, you guessed it, an eighth grade girl struggling through those rough middle school years. (Have you seen it?) She lives with her dad, and one evening around the backyard fire pit, asks him the heartbreaking question, “Do I make you sad?” He talks to her about why she asked the question, and then answers: “Being your dad makes me so happy,” he says. “It’s so easy to love you. It’s so easy to be proud of you.”
“It’s so easy to love you.” I’ve remembered that line since I first saw the movie seven years ago. How beautiful are those words? How cherished would you feel if someone said that to you?
It made me think about things I’ve said to my own children — sentiments I’ve meant, very deeply — and what phrases I’ve heard from my own parents, and what I’ve heard other parents tell their kids. Of course, people show love in many different ways — giving your full attention, paying for dinner, making a bowl of cut fruit — and some people feel twitchy when it comes to direct praise and sweet nothings, and that’s fine! But if, like me, your love language is words of affirmation, here are a few things you might say to your children, if they feel right to you…
There’s nothing you could ever do or say that would make me not love you.
I will always be here for you.
Even when I’m mad, grouchy, or tired, or you’re mad, grouchy, or tired, I always love you.
When you’re with me, when we’re apart, when we’re awake, when we’re asleep, I always, always, always love you.
I love to watch you play.
I love to hear what you think.
I love you with my whole heart.
I love every age you’ve been, and it’s a gift and joy to watch you grow up.
You have good instincts.
Trust your instincts.
You can trust yourself.
I’m so happy to be your mom.
I love being your mom.
You bring me joy every day.
You can do hard things. I’ve seen you do them before and you can do them again.
You can run through the storm.
It’s so brave to feel your feelings; some people live their whole lives without being able to do that.
Whatever you feel is normal; you’re never, ever the only one.
Anything you can even think of, someone has felt and done before.
You can tell me anything.
Nothing you say will surprise or shock me; I’ve heard it all before.
I’ll never be grossed out or embarrassed by anything you tell me; it’s all normal.
You’re always on my mind.
I’m always here if you need me.
You’re a beautiful person.
My friend Erin, a mother of two, also told me this: “I’ve pretty much failed in teaching my children Korean, but when N. was very little I made up a little lullaby in Korean that I’d sing to him, with the phrase “많이, 많이 사랑해요” (which literally translates to ‘so much, so much, I love you’). Now he’s bigger, I say those words, and he says them back to me, and it makes me happy that at the very least he knows that phrase by heart.”
Sobbbbbb.
Thoughts? How do you show love to your children? What’s your love language? I’d love to hear. xoxo
P.S. Tween love languages, and the best parenting advice I ever got.
(Photo by Gurth Bramall/Unsplash.)
