The best part of any cop movie is the stakeout. You get the suspense of not knowing when a suspect will appear, the quiet character moments as the mismatched partners slowly begin to open up to each other — peak cinema. Real-life stakeouts, however, are never quite so well-written. In fact, they’re almost universally creepy, which brings up plenty of questions for anyone interested in buying this ex-government covert surveillance van. Just what’re you planning there, bud?
The seller of this 1985 Chevy van claims that it is, in fact, a genuine government surveillance vehicle purchased at auction. The interior seems to back up that assertion, given all the wood-paneled walls and desks topped with wires and black boxes that read “SURVEILLANCE SYSTEM” on them. This is the kind of van that a young Amber would’ve been overjoyed to see at Washington D.C.’s Spy Museum, but that an adult Amber is kind of concerned about.
I can’t even tell what half this stuff does
The seller claims that much of the surveillance equipment was removed before the van went to auction, but there’s clearly still plenty of wiring and hardware here — it all has to connect to something. Plus, the van appears to have an entire periscope assembly peeking out through the roof. If that’s not still-installed surveillance equipment, I don’t know what is. The seller also claims that the van sat idle for most of its time since that auction, as its rare driveline was damaged sometime after it exited government service, but that it’s now usable once again. But usable for what, exactly?
Who’s the ideal buyer for this? What do they intend to do with such a vehicle? Maybe it could be converted into some sort of wood-paneled vanlife dwelling, but the likelier answer is that someone will use it for some sort of nefarious deeds. Doxxing is all to real a threat, and a van like this makes it all too easy to make good on the threats implied by leaking someone’s address. At least, if you buy this van, be kind enough to paint Flowers By Irene on the side — give us some idea about what’s parking near us.
