This summer, I wrote a Big Salad issue about botox, but the reader comment that jumped out at me was actually about…
…teenagers.
“Here’s piece of advice for teens that has really stayed with me,” wrote a reader named Kaff. “‘Never be more excited or more disappointed about things than they are.’ Lisa Damour said this about the college acceptance/rejection rollercoaster, but I think it applies to everything — sports, friends, tests, crushes, bosses, etc. And in those what should-I-do moments of parenting teens, I find it helpful to remind myself to aim for a few degree below wherever they are.”
How wise is that? A teenager’s emotions are already all over the place — the highest highs! the lowest lows! — so they definitely don’t need anyone to amplify them. And they shouldn’t feel any extra pressure to talk you down or hype you up. Also, I love the idea that, as a parent, you’re helping your kid run a marathon by holding up a sign and handing them water — not running it alongside them. They can sweat, run, stretch, falter, fall, and feel all the emotions, and we can be there to witness and support them — but not sweat in the same way.
Before this, I’d sometimes bring rah-rah energy to teenage parenting moments, and it was not always appreciated:
Thank you, as always, to my teenagers for their patience and leadership.
Thoughts? What advice do you have for raising teenagers? It’s not for the faint of heart!
P.S. More about parenting teens, including 10 things I love about raising preteens/teens, and 21 completely subjective rules for raising teenage girls and teenage boys.
