A Two-Stroke Offroad Skateboard Is The Only Transportation You Need

Cars are trash. Trucks are awful, scooters are garbage, even my beloved motorcycles are unfit for the simple purpose of hauling people around. Why do I, a writer on the world’s best automotive website, suddenly have such strong opinions against the subject matter of my entire job? Because, ≈

This Akira Toriyama-looking design isn’t new, but I didn’t know it existed until I found one on Facebook Marketplace the other day so it’s new to me. I’m forsaking all other methods of transportation, because the thought of this little motor ring-ding-dinging away as I putt over all terrain is just about the happiest thing I can imagine. How could you not smile in a situation like that? How could anyone go anywhere on any other form of transport when this exists?

Can you imagine a better life than this? Hopping curbs, weaving through cones, and wheelie-ing down a beach on your own little Capsule Corp transporter? Sure, the video features the Bushpig Wheelman rather than Facebook Marketplace’s Wheelman G-Wheel, but they appear to be the same product under different brands — a product that can still be found new on Alibaba to this day. Why bother importing one yourself though, with all those tariffs, when there’s one on Facebook Marketplace that’s ready to go?

The Wheelman released in the early aughts, and we’re returning to that point in history with our own cycle of nostalgia — it’s the perfect time to get the perfect vehicle for every possible use case. Sell your car, your truck, your scooter, your motorcycle. There is nothing else you need in this world than a Wheelman G-Wheel, a Bushpig Wheelman, or any of the other various names this beautiful machine is sold under.