At $8,995, Could This 2014 Nissan Juke Be Your Jam?

The Nismo package elevates today’s Nice Price or No Dice Juke above the already expressive standard model, but it’s the wild color combination that really makes it stand out. Let’s see if its price is just as outstanding.

Not that long ago, I had a wild rabbit take up short-term residence in my garage. I discovered the unexpected houseguest by the presents he or she left next to the lawnmower. Eviction was achieved by leaving the roll-up door open for a bit and then blocking a small hole under the door where the bunny had made its egress. No more milk duds for me. It was apparent by the ad and the car’s presentation that the 1981 Volkswagen Rabbit convertible we looked at yesterday was a likewise unwelcome member of the seller’s flock. Left for dead at a repair shop, it seemed to have fallen victim to the elements and skunky gas, with the outcome being an appallingly dusty appearance and non-runner status. A $2,950 price tag to take it (tow it) off the seller’s hands was a non-starter for most of us, consequentially resulting in a 70% No Dice loss.

Do you recall the stories that began to swirl a few weeks back about Honda and Nissan joining forces in WonderTwin fashion to create a larger and more dynamic organization that would be better equipped to take on the juggernaut that is Toyota? When rumors made it apparent Honda’s goal wasn’t a merger of equals but instead, Honda acquiring ready-made pickup and ladder-frame SUV building capacity, things soured faster than last week’s milk.

Poor Nissan, always the bridesmaid, never the bride. Maybe if the company made more crazy-looking cars like this 2014 Juke Nismo it would be more popular. Introduced for the 2011 model year, the Juke was a lifestyle vehicle with wild styling based on that of the 2009 Qazana concept car. The out-there looks masked a fairly mundane five-seater small hatch package that really was only differentiated from the competition by that funky styling. The model endured in the U.S. market until 2017 when it was replaced by the less expressive and strangely plural Kicks model.

This Juke features the sporty Nismo package and is wrapped in a unique black and cherry red paint scheme that ensures it will never be lost in any crowded parking lot. Along with some subtle (if you can call anything about a Juke subtle) styling tweaks and a quartet of 18-inch alloy wheels, the Nismo also features a nine horsepower bump from the 1.6-liter turbocharged four under the hood for a total of 197. Torque from the little sidewinder is 184 lb-ft, available all the way down at 2,000 rpm. Other tweaks on the Nismo include sport bucket seats up front, a leather-wrapped multi-function steering wheel with a racy centering stripe, and cool velour upholstery.

On top of all that, this particular car comes with something one might not expect on a sporting model: a CVT transmission. The Nismo was made available with a six-speed manual, but whoever optioned this car must have really liked the idea of a sad trombone on every stab of the accelerator.

That’s not to say that the automatic ruins the car. After all, something like 99% of all cars and trucks sold in the States are so equipped. That means this Juke is one for the masses. It also has a lot of other comfort and convenience features that should prove popular with the proletariat. Those include power windows and locks, cruise control, push to start, a center stack infotainment screen with nav, and a moonroof. That’s good stuff.

It all looks to be in pretty nice condition, too. The bodywork appears clean, and the tires are claimed to have lots of life left in them. In the cabin, the upholstery is unworn, and all the plastics seem to be holding up even after a decade of use. Mileage is a modest 93,540, and the car comes with a clean title. It’s described by the selling dealer as being “READY TO GO!!”

All this could be ours for $8,995. That seems like a lot of car for the money, but begs the question of just who this Juke might be for. The styling is still goofy—but in a good way—and the paint scheme adds even more iconoclastic style. That all makes it less appealing to the masses, but the automatic makes it likely less of a draw for anyone looking for a unique bit of fun. Needless to say, it would take a bold individual to drive this car without irony.

What do you say? Should so bold an individual step up to the plate for that $8,995 asking? Or is this an expressive Juke boxed in by an oppressive price tag?

You decide!

Nice Price or No Dice:

North Jersey, Craigslist, or go here if the ad disappears.

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