Dear Alphonse,
Yo, I need advice! Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day and I want to show my girl I can open up, but I can’t find the words. What should I say?
Sincerely,
Navraj from Canada
I got you. For all the terrible communicators out there: The easiest way to express your repressed emotions is to send a link to a song that does the talking for you. And I have the perfect one. It’s “Make You Feel Special,” where deadpan Upper West Side rapper M Row—who in the last year has grown past beef-centric raps to borderline pain drill—gets sensitive. (I always look forward to Valentine’s Day in rap because for 24 hours everyone cuts the tough-guy shit to drop tapes about steak dinner dates and knockin’ boots.) Over the kind of gently thumping club-drill beat that screams 41, M Row stoically delivers a line for any feeling you might want to get across. If the goal is to shower them with gifts, try, “Lemme pay for your hair and your nails/Just send me the Zelle for the payment.” If you’re just tryna’ hype them up, go for, “She so thick, thick/I love how it look in your pants when you leavin’ the gym.” There are also some deeper, kind of cliché thoughts in there about how he will be there for her forever (blah, blah, blah), which may also be your vibe. Whatever, just send it and start your day of love off right. You can thank me later.
