While everyone else gets excited about the Williams Sonoma catalog when Christmas approaches, this year, I’ve set my sights a bit higher. I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting lately, and I realized I’m better than a set of Pillivuyt Chantal Porcelain dinner plates. I’m better than the Williams Sonoma Champagne Saber and Base. In fact, I’m too good for Williams Sonoma altogether. What I really deserve is a present from the Neiman Marcus Fantasy Gifts Collection. Specifically, this authentic 18th-century royal caleche that was built for King Charles III of Spain.
Now, some of you may point out that the price of this 18th-century royal caleche is $1.9 million, which is a lot of money for a Christmas gift. To that, I would ask, why you’re worried about money. Also, when it comes to gifts, it’s the thought that counts, and the only way to measure that is with the number on the price tag. Besides, the website says you’ll earn “a $50-$300 gift card with code BONUS,” so you’d really be losing money if you didn’t buy it for me.
Additionally, the fine print also says, “Neiman Marcus will donate $100,000 to The Heart of Neiman Marcus Foundation, a charitable foundation that empowers the next generation, cultivates a culture of belonging, and invests in a sustainable future to make the world a better place.” See? By buying this caleche for me, you’ll be empowering the next generation and making the world a better place.
Others may say, “But Collin, you are a grown man, and this seven-foot caleche was very clearly designed in proportion and intended for a princely child.” To that, I would say that I lost more than 50 pounds this year and am now a dainty little thing who would be quite comfortable in a seven-foot caleche, thank you very much. Also, the life of a princely child while Charles III was king sounds like it would have been pretty great, and I would like a taste of that.
According to the description, it’s also been:
adorned on all sides with pastoral scenes that showcase the painters’ skill in immortalizing their world through polychrome paint. Each gilded panel is crowned by a Greek-style frieze and bordered by chiseled Baroque moldings, reflecting the rich blend of artistic influences present in Spain at the time. With only a few comparable royal carriages still in existence today in the Palace of Versailles, this is a remarkable opportunity to possess an exceptional aristocratic artifact from a bygone era.
Do I not deserve to be transported around in an exceptional aristocratic artifact from a bygone era? Exactly. Oh, and be sure to throw in a horse when you give it to me, too. I’m going to need this thing to be my new daily driver, not some art piece that sits in my bedroom collecting dust.
