Plenty of places have “Keep Moving” signs, but a little over a week ago, I learned that Getty Images didn’t have a photo of one that I could use. Conveniently, my drive home from the pharmacy takes me right by one, so when I decided to blog my frustration with drivers stopping unnecessarily in front of that sign, I walked to the intersection and took a photo of my own. It’s a good thing I risked the reckless walking ticket when I did, too, because the sign is dead. RIP “Keep Moving” sign. You will be missed.
Sadly, I haven’t been able to find any local police reports on the premature death of my favorite sign. For all I know, they aren’t even aware that somebody murdered my boy. If only my elementary school D.A.R.E. officer, Deputy D. Diggity Dawg Dawson was still around. He probably would have been able to track the killers down no problem.
Don’t worry, though. Self-Appointed Traffic Deputy C. Don’t Hit Things With Your Cars Woodard is on the case. I visited the scene of the crime this morning to take photos for crime-solving purposes and not just so I could write this post. Unfortunately for me, the murderer didn’t leave much evidence behind. I was hoping their vehicle had at least left a piece of a taillight at the scene so we could solve this thing together, but I had no such luck.
If I have my timeline right, they ran over the sign on a Tuesday night. This is important because I currently live in a college town that attracts tens of thousands of visitors every weekend during football season. A Friday or Saturday night strike would have likely meant I’d never see the perp again. A Tuesday night strike, on the other hand, means it’s more likely a local.
Were they under the influence? Possibly. They hopped a curb and ran over a sign while making a right turn that most people would probably take at no more than 25 mph. The question is, were they under the influence of drugs, alcohol, or the power of their brand new Cybertruck? Also, why were they driving under the influence on a Tuesday? Or was this retaliation for my post? I don’t want it to be true, but there’s still a chance I’m somehow responsible for what happened here.
The answers to these questions elude me for now, but I won’t give up until justice is served. Will this investigation end when I finally expose a coverup that goes all the way to the top? Maybe I will, but I won’t be intimidated. I have truth, justice and the American way on my side, and one way or another, someone is going to pay for what they did to this poor, innocent sign.
