It isn’t often that the person delivering a press car asks me if I have someone to drive me around, but as he handed me the keys to a shiny new Mercedes-Maybach GLS600, his question of, “Do you have a driver?” was actually perfectly valid. Unlike the overwhelming majority of cars I test, the Maybach isn’t really meant to be driven. It’s a car you’re meant to be driven in, and unfortunately for me, I did not have a driver.
I mean, I do have a girlfriend who has a driver’s license and is perfectly capable of driving her own car, but I already knew I’d be the one driving and she’d be the one enjoying all that luxury, getting a back massage in the second row while I suffered in the front seat (while also enjoying a back massage). The GLS600 is a very large SUV, and in addition to being incredibly short, she hates big cars. Asking her (with Mercedes’ permission, of course) to chauffeur me around in a giant SUV with a twin-turbocharged 4.0-liter V8 that makes 550 horsepower and 538 pound-feet of torque was almost definitely going to get a strong “no.”
It really is hard to overstate just how luxurious the Maybach version of the GLS is, too. All four of the headrests have their own pillows, and there are, indeed, only four seats. Middle seats are for poors who can’t afford drivers to chauffeur them around while they sip champagne and take important phone calls with their seat fully reclined, enjoying the power-extendable foot rest and one of the multiple massage options. You can actually order the Mercedes-Maybach GLS600 without the four-seat configuration, but it’s a no-cost option, and I have a hard time believing more than a handful of customers actually will.
Full disclosure: Mercedes loaned me a Maybach GLS600 for a week so I could waft around as I pleased.
No raise for you
Spend a little time in the GLS600 and you’ll understand why the wealthy want to take all their companies’ profits for themselves so they can buy more toys like this one for themselves. You can find some plastic if you look hard enough, but almost every surface is covered in either leather, carpet, wood or metal, and it all feels so nice. Heck, even the carpeting is on another level, at least compared to the nicest cars most people have ever ridden in.
You just better like screens because the Maybach GLS is chock full of them. You’ve got a center screen and driver display, two screens behind the front headrests, a screen between the rear seats, a screen to adjust the rear climate controls, and even a wireless charger between the rear seats so you can look at the small screen while also looking at the larger screens. Apparently, though, Mercedes didn’t think front passengers would need their own screen, so there’s no massive Hyperscreen up front. Or, perhaps more accurately, Mercedes assumed there would be few, if any, front passengers.
You also can’t forget the space between the rear seats that opens to reveal a space to hold $800 champagne flutes, as well as an $1,100 refrigerator for chilling your champagne. This is a Maybach, after all, and your boss’s boss’s boss needs their bubbly with them at all times, especially while they get their backs massaged in absolute luxury.
Massage away
Yes, I’m really focused on the massaging seats, but even decades after they became an option in a lot of luxury cars, a lot of them are pretty disappointing. The ones in the Maybach, on the other hand, actually work. You’re still probably going to get a better massage with one of those $30 neck massagers you can buy online, but the people who actually buy Maybachs probably don’t need a true deep-tissue massage since they’re too rich to have any real stress in their lives.
I mean, if they ever feel a little anxious, they can always just crush their workers’ morale into a dust that’s even finer than it already is. I, on the other hand, have no employees whose labor I can exploit, so instead, I have to crush the knots in my back if I want to relax and enjoy my life.
While the rear seats are the clear focal point of the cabin, that doesn’t mean it’s terrible for the driver. Even though the GLS is massive, I still enjoyed driving it far more than you might expect. It’s still a Mercedes, after all, and as the most luxurious Mercedes SUV you can buy, it still offers a ridiculously comfortable driving experience. And even coming from my Fiat 500e, it still drives like a small enough vehicle that you probably won’t even struggle to park it in a crowded parking lot.
Stress? What stress?
It isn’t sporty by any means, but come on, you knew that the moment you saw Maybach in the name. Comfort is the top priority, and the ride absolutely delivers there. In its most comfort-focused setting, the GLS600 is so smooth it’s almost otherworldly. It isn’t just the soft suspension, either. It uses an array of sensors to scan the road and adjust each wheel independently to smooth out any bumps, and while the engineering is impressive, the best part is that it feels like it basically works like magic. Small imperfections just disappear.
While the engine does provide plenty of thrust, the focus is more on effortless acceleration than raw power. Still, put it in one of the sportier settings, and there’s no denying this thing is quick — Mercedes says it’ll hit 60 mph in 4.7 seconds. Having 538 lb-ft of torque on tap will do that, even in a full-size, three-row SUV that’s been turned into an ultra-luxury two-row.
It’s also hard to describe how quiet the cabin is, even at highway speeds. I wouldn’t call most luxury cars stressful to drive, but the Maybach is the kind of quiet that relaxes your soul. You close the door, and you just feel at peace. In a way, it’s a little unnerving to get out of the car because you can feel your stress levels jump ever so slightly once you’re exposed to the noise of the rest of the world again.
I even loved the pillows on the headrests. I’d forgotten how much I needed a softer, more luxurious headrest in my life, but the Maybach reminded me that I do. Are they in any way necessary? Absolutely not, but they’re so nice, it can start to feel like they are.
My girlfriend, meanwhile, definitely appreciated the luxury of the back seats, but she also didn’t particularly enjoy being off in her own little world, so after the first couple times riding in the back, she opted to ride in the front with me. Isn’t that sweet?
Maybach flaws
As far as flaws go, the Maybach GLS really doesn’t have many. The column shifter may be the ideal shifter for a modern automatic, but both it and the turn signal stalk feel too cheap for the rest of the interior. Not that you’ll care. That’s something for your driver to deal with. Plus, the infotainment system, while perfectly functional and easy enough to use, is starting to look a little dated.
Additionally, when my girlfriend and I took the Maybach on a Costco run, we didn’t realize until after we’d left the store just how little cargo room the GLS has. That fridge for your champagne has to go somewhere, and that place is the trunk. Apparently, you can remove it if you really want, but then you have to put it somewhere, which doesn’t help much when you’re already at Costco.
On the other hand, why would someone with Maybach money ever go on their own Costco run? That’s the help’s responsibility, and they can just use their own poor-person car for that particular poor-person job.
Ultimately, though, I think the biggest problem with the Mercedes-Maybach GLS600 is that it’s still a GLS. Mercedes can put Maybach badges all over it, but it still looks like a fancy version of an SUV you can buy for $90,000. Rich people use the GLS as a family hauler all the time, and while most people will probably assume it’s nicer and more expensive, at the end of the day, it’s just a GLS that a moderately successful dentist might drive.
Certain buyers are going to see the appeal in that, since people won’t naturally assume they’re looking at a car owned by an international arms dealer, but remember, we’re talking about people with enough money to pay someone to drive them around instead of doing the job themselves. As nice as the GLS is, I’d bet most people with driver money would prefer an SUV that doesn’t just look like a gussied-up Mercedes. Give them something that doesn’t need Maybach badges to let people know it’s an SUV for the truly wealthy.
Ultra-luxury… bargain?
In that same vein, the Maybach GLS also sits in a weird spot price-wise, too. With a starting price of $179,600 including destination, it certainly isn’t cheap, but remember, we’re talking about people with driver money. Their driver’s salary alone probably costs owners more than half of the MSRP of a GLS600, and they pay it every year. The cost of a new SUV is largely irrelevant to them, and other ultra-luxury SUVs such as the Bentley Bentayga and Rolls-Royce Cullinan cost far more — more than double the Maybach’s price, even, making the GLS the budget option.
As a poor, I fully appreciate a good deal. That’s why we shop at Costco as much as we can. But does Maybach really want to be a budget brand for the ultra-wealthy? Really? I even get the argument that it’s more efficient to start with a Mercedes as the base car when engineering Maybachs, but if I had driver money, I know I certainly wouldn’t buy one. I also wouldn’t buy a Maybach GLS if it cost more right out of the gate, since it’s still a GLS.
Give the Maybach SUV its own styling, though, and you could probably tempt me, even with a much higher initial price. I bet there would even be more profit in it for Mercedes.
Maybe I’m wrong here, and this is what ultra-luxury buyers actually want. Maybe Mercedes is going to read this and send me a long email to let me know they did all sorts of demographic research, and the real money is in a Maybached-up GLS. After all, I’m a poor who’s committed zero war crimes and couldn’t even be bothered to be born to wealthy parents, so it’s entirely possible I don’t understand these buyers. But if you’re asking me, I say Mercedes should go bigger and charge more for something that at least looks like a true Maybach SUV.
